


Memories

by noyas_last_brain_cell



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Disaster Lance (Voltron), Gay, Gay Disaster Keith (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, LGBTQ Character, Lance (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith/Lance (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 43,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24513568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noyas_last_brain_cell/pseuds/noyas_last_brain_cell
Summary: After a training session gone wrong, Lance is injected with a poison which threatens to take away his memory after a week. The only way to get him back would be for someone to help him remember his life, or he'll be gone forever...Secrets are spilled, feelings are shared, and love is near.  Maybe the only one who can save him is Keith... the clock is ticking.Obviously Klance 😇( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º )I dont own Voltron or any of the characters, tho I wish I diddont sue pls😂I also dont own the story cover.Does have some swearing.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 49





	1. We Are Just Rivals

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my fellow Klancers,
> 
> • This is my first klance fanfic - I didnt even think I would do it I just kinda... did it, so if it's a lil rough sorry about it
> 
> •Its not my best writing because I'm using it as a break from a darker book I'm writing; I'm not publishing that just yet. This is also a good way for me to get into another genre of writing because I usually write dark , sad books (like my soul lol)
> 
> •Please like comment and vote and stuff to tell me ways I could improve or just funny comments cuz that's always really cool
> 
> •So... yeah! Enjoy the story and I hope I havent bored you with this x

Lance's POV:

Sometimes I don't know why I hate Keith so much. I know it started in the Garrison, when I first joined. But I didn't always despise him like I do now. I looked up to him, wanted to be him. He was easily the most talented out of all of us, full of courage and determination. In awe I would try to talk to him and offer to be his friend, but he just... shrugged me off, scowling at me and walking away. It took me a while, but I realised that Keith would never have time for me, or anyone for that matter. Instead of leaving him alone, though, I constantly tried to be better than him, arguing with him and making a competition out of everything. We were rivals. In some way, it made me happy to know that he knew that I existed, but it was a stab in the back when I finally realised that we would always be enemies. 

Or maybe I hated him because I wanted to push away the feelings I felt. 

Just maybe.

******************************************  
"Okay guys, breakfast is ready! It took me a really long time to get these perfect, since we don't have the same ingredients as on Earth, but I did my best!" Hunk said, placing three fluffy, golden pancakes onto each paladins plate.   
My mouth watered in delight. "It looks great Hunk, thanks. Alright, I'm ready to start chomping on this!"  
"We'll have to start without Keith. Where is he anyway?" Allura asked, frowning. "He's never usually this late..."   
Pidge shrugged, half a pancake stuffed into her mouth. "I don't know. At least Keith's negative energy isn't completely ruining the mood like it usually does."

The room went silent. I could tell everyone agreed, but wouldn't dare to say it out loud. Only Shiro broke the silence, sighing loudly. "Come on guys, give Keith a break. He's been doing a lot for the team right now. He'll be here any moment now," he said, in his famous Dad Voice.   
Hunk chewed on his last piece of pancake, and placed his cutlery down on his plate. "I think we can all agree that we're grateful that Lance and Keith aren't arguing this morning. We've had a break from all of your squabbling." Everyone nodded, and I rolled my eyes, pouting. 

As weird as it sounded, I was worried about Keith. It was the first time he hadn't woken up before all of us, so something had to have been wrong. I knew I was overreacting, but I cared about him. I know, I know, it's always been Keith and Lance, 'neck and neck', but it didnt mean I still couldn't worry for him. It was different in a bad way, not seeing Keith sit next to me at the dinner table, trying to win a heated battle of 'who could eat the most food in the shortest amount of time' with me. I knew he was most likely hiding in his bedroom like he usually did, being the 'emo' and dark person that he was, but the more time I spent with Keith, the more I wanted him to be with me even longer. Even if we were just arguing.

Uncomfortable, I stood up, taking my empty plate to the dish rack. "I'm just gonna go check on Keith. He should've been down by now," I said, biting my lip anxiously.

Everyone pulled a face. Hank's jaw dropped, Coran's eyes bulged out of h head, and Allura cocked her head to one side.

"YOU GUYS DON'T EVEN LIKE EACHOTHER! AND NOW YOU WANT TO GO CHECK UP ON HIM? WHAT IS THE WORLD BECOMING?!" Pidge yelled, shocked by my statement. She seemed to have spoken for the whole crew.   
"Okay, okay, I know it sounds weird, but usually Keith would've been up my now. I'm just making sure the Galra hasn't taken him... or... whatever... yeah I'm just gonna..." I sprinted out of the room, leaving the dining room in a frenzy. I ran down endless corridors just to find his room, all of the doors looking the exact same. Damn it Lance, why do you have to be so awkward? I didn't have to act like that. It's just Keith, annoying, rude, cute Keith.   
CUTE?!   
NO... NO... I meant ...senseless.   
My brain seemed to fail me as I slowed down to try and comprehend my thoughts. I did NOT just call Keith cute. We were rivals. He was definitely and utterly not cute, but the ugliest person I'd ever met. Yup. Totally. Sure.  
I finally arrived at his room, holding up my hand to knock on the silver door, but I hesitated. I couldn't face him after what I'd thought. What would I even say to him? Oh yeah, just wanted to check up on you. Also I thought you were cute for a tick, so that's fun. I cringed, but rapped on the metal anyway. I just had to push away my momentary, confusing feelings, and focus on what was happening. 

For a few seconds, there was no reply, so I knocked again. 

Silence.

Just as I was about to walk away, the door opened. Keith stood being the threshold, glaring at me from inside his room.  
He was wearing tracksuits, and a towel was wrapped around his neck.

But he was shirtless.

I looked down at his bare skin, then snapped my eyes up to look at my own. I did not just stare at Keith's abs. We were enemies. Remember?  
"What?" he snapped, clearly annoyed by my presence.   
"Wow, nice to see you too. You seem like you're in a great mood," I retorted, crossing my arms. And to think only a few doboshes ago, I had worried about Keith. He was still the same old, shitfaced person he had always been.   
"Lance, you're really trying my patience here. What do you need?"  
I shook myself, waking up from my daydream. I exhaled, looking down at my feet. My mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. Like a fucking goldfish. Why couldn't I speak? Usually I would have the best comebacks right on the tip of my tongue, but now I couldn't even seem to utter a word. Keith started to slide the door shut, but I stuck my foot in the way instinctively, moving a few inches closer to do so. 

I never thought I'd been so close to Keith before. I could see the flecks of purple in his sparkling eyes, his long eyelashes fluttering as he blinked. I could even count the small freckles on his nose. He gasped for a second, a small, quiet gasp, and pulled away almost instantly, his cheeks turning a fiery red. No no no no no no, I thought, biting the inside of my cheeks furiously. I'd never seen Keith like that before. Being so close to him made me feel a certain way...   
No. This wasn't happening. I wouldn't let it.  
I stepped back, taking my foot out of the doorway, and instead holding the handle to keep the door from sliding shut. 

"I... I just wanted to know if you were okay, all right? You didnt come down for breakfast, and I just thought something was wrong." I hissed, taken aback by my sharp tone. I didnt expect myself to sound so... mean. Keith widened his eyes, then frowned, then raised his eyebrows. He seemed to be going through a wave of emotions. To be honest, so was I.

"Okay Lance, haha, very funny. Now can you leave?" he said, deciding to take a more argumentative approach.

"I was just trying to care! You know, this was stupid. I should never have come up here," I muttered. My anxious ass had gotten me worried about Keith, and now everything would blow up between us, like it always did. 

"You don't have to care! I care for myself. And it's not like I was being kidnapped or anything. I just wasn't hungry, and I wanted to be alone. But no, you just had to come and disturb me."

I felt the fury blaze inside my heart. All of the feelings I felt before had vanished. No more. "Oh, I DISTURBED YOU?! I'M SORRY, YOUR HIGHNESS , BUT MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE REMINED THAT WE ARE A TEAM. YEAH, A FUCKING TEAM. SO STOP ACTING LIKE YOU'RE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ALL OF US, AND GET YOUR SORRY ASS DOWNSTAIRS. HUNK MADE AMAZING PANCAKES, AND THEY'RE GOING TO WASTE BECAUSE OF YOU." 

Keith flinched slightly, then clenched his teeth together. "OF COURSE. TYPICAL LANCE. THE PANCAKES ARE MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU. SEE, WHILST YOU WERE EATING AND HAVING FUN, I WAS FINDING WAYS TO DESTROY ZARKON'S FLEET. But NoOoO, Lancey Lance told me to go downstairs and waste time by eating pancakes so I must obey. YOU THINK THIS WAR IS A JOKE? YOU THINK THIS IS A HUGE GAME? WELL OPEN YOUR EYES, BECAUSE THE ONLY THING THAT'S A JOKE IS... IS YOU. GOD, YOU ARE SO INSIGNIFICANT TO ME AND EVERYONE ELSE. So fucking annoying," Keith screamed, his veins on his hand bulging as he gripped his wall. "Just GO, LANCE. I don't need you babysitting me."

He slammed his door shut.

I stumbled backwards. To my surprise, tears trickled down my cheek, my body shaking uncontrollably. I knew what he meant. I was insignificant. I was nothing to them. I meant nothing to Keith. That simple thought made it hurt even more than I thought it would. It felt like my chest closed up, restricting me from breathing at all. But I needed to leave. Ticks later, I stood up straighter, letting my legs take me to wherever they wanted to go, tears splattering on the floor. After a while, I stopped moving, breathing loudly. I didn't know how long I'd been running, but I seemed to have arrived at the training deck. Sighing, I walked in. Seemed like I was about to have my second workout of the day.


	2. I Really Wished I Didn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay well Keith is a gay mess in this chapter so enjoy

Keith's POV:

I saw Lance's face crumble slightly before I shut the door on him. I saw how I'd hurt him, saw how much the words I'd said had affected him. 

But I did nothing.

I just closed the door, and slid behind it, feeling the cool, metallic steel against my bare back. My knees curled into my chest and my arms wrapped itself around them as I did so.   
Lance and I weren't exactly friends. Okay, we weren't friends at all. I annoyed him, and he annoyed me. Simple. It was like that in the Garrison, and it was like that now. We argued all the time, to the point where it was just second nature to yell at him, even when there was nothing to yell about. But sometimes I wished it wasn't like that. I could see how Lance acted around Hunk and Pidge, even Coran! He was loving, and kind, and would do anything in the world for them! And it made me jealous. Why couldn't we have that type of relationship? I hardly even knew what made us hate eachother. Yes, he was annoying and dumb and crazy, but I wanted us to get over our differences. Be friends. Maybe... even more than friends. I tensed, remembering the feeling that had coursed through my veins only a few ticks ago, when Lance moved closer to me to try and keep my door open. I felt as though something had changed between us. Like a spark going off in our minds, telling us that that moment was special.   
It was special. His blue eyes were soft, yet bright in the strong light of the corridor. My eyes had searched his face, almost trying to drink in his smooth, dark face and supple lips before the feeling between us subdued. We stayed staring intently at eachother for a while, my heart pounding furiously, but I just ignored it. All I could think about was Lance. How Lance looked. How Lance's breathing slowed, his chest heaving. How warm Lance was. But remembering who and where I was, I pulled away from his gaze, my face heating up. I'd cursed, knowing that he could see how embarrased I was. 

It didn't matter though. Because whatever feeling we'd felt had vanished as quickly as it came. We just argued again, like we always did. I knew I was being a dick, because all Lance was doing was trying to make sure I was okay. But this time it was different. I screamed at him, not because I necessarily hated him, but because I needed to push away the emotions I'd felt. I couldn't be developing feelings for Lance. Not now. Not ever. However, I'd gone too far. I'd called him insignificant, unworthy. Which was a shit move. I knew that Lance was self-conscious about that kind of thing, and I'd used it to hurt him. 

I really wished I didn't. 

Why did I always have to push people away? Why did I have to be like this? I shook uncontrollably, trying to hold in a wave of tears which threatened to fall. No. I couldn't cry. That would be so, so selfish, considering everything I'd said to Lance. He deserved an explanation. I knew I could never talk to him about the moment, but I would stop being a dumbass and apologise. It was the least I could do.

Gradually, I stood up, pulling on a shirt and opening my door. My words had done damage, but now I needed to make things right. I bit my lip anxiously. Apologising wasn't a thing I did regularly. Especially not to Lance. I always thought I was always right about everything, but this time, I had clearly messed up. Sighing, I walked out of the door, walking through countless corridors just to arrive in the Dining Hall. As soon as I entered, the chatter of the group hushed almost instantly, and everyone looked down at their plates. Pidge raised her eyebrows. 

"Wow, you actually decided to show up. Even after that loud-ass figh-"

"Ah, Keith, great to see you! Would you like some breakfast... or?" Allura cut off Pidge, smiling nervously at me. I crossed my arms. 

"Why is everyone acting so weird?" I asked, still not moving to sit in my usual seat. No one answered me. "Hello? I asked a question. You're supposed to answer; that's how they work."  
Shiro stood up, looking gravely at me. "Keith. I think we need to talk."  
******************************************

"Shiro, where is Lance?" I demanded to know, as he walked with me around the Castle of Lions. We weren't going anywhere exactly, just wandering around. 

He shrugged. "I don't know. He went to talk to you, then never came back."   
I stayed silent.  
"Actually, Keith, I wanted to talk about your and Lance's... relationship." 

I stopped walking. Relationship? We didn't have a 'relationship'. Suddenly, I felt myself go cold. What if Shiro knew about... the moment when Lance got closer to me than he'd ever been. I shivered slightly. "What is there to talk about?"  
He inhaled deeply, then breathed out. "Don't play dumb with me. I don't know what happened up there, but we could hear you screaming at eachother." Shiro gripped his hands onto my shoulders. "You need to talk to eachother, without biting eachothers throats."

Without my permission, my mind conjured up the image of Lance brushing his lips against my neck. I felt myself blush. What would that even feel like? Good, probably. NO. I COULDNT THINK THAT.

"KEITH! Are you even listening to me?" Shiro shook me, and I was brought back to reality. "Your ongoing feud with Lance is slowly putting the team in jeopardy. Sooner or later, we won't be able to form Voltron because of you two. Look, I trust you enough to let you figure this out on your own, okay?" 

I clenched my fists together. "And how the fuck am I supposed to talk to Lance? I don't even know what to say! I messed up, said some stupid things, and I was going to apologise, but I don't know where to start. I'd just end up acting like an asshole." 

"Keith. Language," Shiro reprimanded me, but softened his voice when he realized just how distressed I was. "Why don't you start by acknowledging your feelings? Pushing them away just makes it worse, which will eventually destroy your relationship with Lance forever. Then when you come to terms with it, tell him. I'm sure he'd feel the same way. 

"What feelings?" I muttered under my breath.

"I think you know what I mean," he said, raising an eyebrow slightly.   
I looked down at my feet, embarrased. Shiro could read my face so easily, damn it. 

"Fine. But where do I find him?"

"He could be anywhere. But he's most likely in the Kitchen, in his room or in the Training Facility," he said, letting go of my shoulders. "Keith, can you tell me what you two were arguing about?"  
I contemplated it. Telling Shiro wouldn't be bad. He'd help me understand why I'd lashed out like that. But then I shook my head. "I'm sorry, but I want to talk to Lance about that. Privately. It's really... really...bad, and I'd rather keep it to myself until I'm ready." 

Shiro nodded supportively. "Well, just know that I'm here if you ever need me."   
I turned away from him, and ran towards Lance's bedroom. I tried to run through what I was going to say but failed miserably. The sentence always started out fine, but ended not quite so well. 

Hey Lance, just thought I'd tell you that I think we're meant to be together, so forget everything I said before. 

Or,

Yeah so I know what I said was wrong, but a couple of ticks ago I thought of you kissing me and now I think that Shiro knows that I might like you. So... Yeah.

Both seemed like terrible options. 

I didn't know if I actually liked, liked Lance. I'd never really thought about it... okay that was a lie. Yes, he was annoying, but he was cute, I guess. And funny and sweet when he wanted to be. All this time, though, I pushed him away, along with my feelings, because liking Lance was a certain situation I did NOT want to get involved with. At all. But maybe Shiro was right. Maybe I had to come to terms with the fact that I probably did... you know... like him. I'm not exactly the type of person who thinks about emotions a lot. But maybe it was time to change.

And I also had another problem. Did I... like guys?   
I'd never liked a girl before. Okay, maybe I'd thought some girls were attractive but I had never thought of actually dating one. I'd never liked a boy though. What if I was gay for Lance? My head pounded. I couldn't think straight. I was torn between liking him and hating him.

My mental capacity couldn't take it. So I focused on one thing, and one thing only. Apologising to Lance. Except now, I just had to find him.


	3. He's Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️MINOR MINOR BLOOD WARNING⚠️

Keith's Pov: 

Lance wasn't in the kitchen, or his bedroom. Usually he would be socializing with everyone, or flirting with Allura, but it was like he'd completely disappeared. 

Maybe he's in the training facility. 

I widened my eyes in surprise as I remembered what Shiro had told me. I hadn't checked the training facility! Luckily, it wasn't far from the west wing, so I was able to sprint there easily in a couple of doboshes. Once I arrived, I readied myself to open the door, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was... nervous. I had gone through shit, being a paladin of Voltron, but I was nervous to talk to Lance. LANCE. The person I had spent so much time hating, the person who I argued with on a daily. But I needed to make things right. I shoved down my minor anxiety and pressed the button for the door to open, gazing at the white, open space of the training deck. This place never ceased to amaze me, and everytime I came to train (every day, without fail) the experience became better and better. It was the one place I could be left alone to think in peace.   
"Lance? Lance it's me, Keith. I just want to talk."  
No answer.   
"Lance?"   
Maybe he wasn't here after all. Except as I was scanning the room one last time before I left, I saw a figure lying motionless on the ground, a training bot standing in front of it with a sword. Squinting, I ran towards the body, hoping that they were okay. What if it was Lance? Was he injured? Was he dead? I knocked the thoughts of doubt out of my head as I grew closer to the figure. Its head was rolled onto one side, lying on its back. 

I groaned in anguish.

It was Lance. 

"Lance? LANCE? Can you hear me? Please... please... wake up... please," I shook him, but he didn't seem to respond. His eyes had shut, and his mouth slightly separated. I took of his helmet and slapped his face. Still, nothing. 

What if I gave him... mouth to mouth resuscitation? I didn't know if it would work, but I would do anything to get him back. I needed him to be here, awake and laughing in his goofy, dumb voice. I could feel myself lean closer to his face, and I paused, taking in his features, before plummeting my lips on his, pinching my fingers on his nose. I tried not to think of it as kissing Lance, but he looked so weirdly beautiful as I thought about it. No. I had to stay professional; I was simply saving him, nothing personal. I stayed like that for a tick, before slowly rising and pumping my hands on his chest three times. It didn't work. He was still limp, and cold in my arms. Gritting my teeth together, I examined his body, trying to make sure he had no wounds. As I did so, my eyes were drawn to a long gash on his arm, which had cut through the armour. How could I have missed this? He wasn't bleeding onto the floor, but blood soiled his perfect, smooth skin. There was nothing I could do other than call the others. 

"GUYS! SHIRO?! ALURA?! ANYBODY, I NEED HELP! IT'S ABOUT LANCE!" I kept shouting, staring at Lance occasionally. What if he was gone? Forever? I never would be able to tell him how I'd felt. 

******************************************  
Hunk ran into the Healing Room, placing him onto a bed in the centre of the pods. The rest of the Paladins were already there, relieved to see that Hunk was able to transport him from the Training Deck to here. I tapped my foot on the floor repeatedly, unable to stop moving. Come on Lance, I thought. Don't die on me, man. 

Pidge typed furiously onto the tablet, examining the wound. "I don't know what's wrong with him - the training bots are not supposed to harm anyone. It's just a simulation. So maybe something else injured him. In fact, he probably did this to himself; he's so clumsy sometimes." 

Allura crossed her arms. "When did you find him like this, Keith?"  
"About ten doboshes ago. He was already lying on the ground. The only thing I saw there was a bot, and his bayard next to him."  
"Did you try anything to help? I hope you tried to stop the blood flow," she said, watching from a distance as Coran examined the cut.   
I blushed, feeling the heat prick my skin. I looked down at my feet still tapping. "I shouted at him, but that didn't work. I slapped him; still negative. I even tried mouth to mouth, but-" 

Hunk's eyes popped out of their sockets, and he waved his arms about, squealing loudly. "MOUTH TO MOUTH?! O.M.G Keith, I didn't take you for the g-"   
"Okay Hunk, that's enough. Coran, is there anything about the wound you need to tell us about?" Shiro cut Hunk off, giving him a warning look.   
Coran stood up and stretched, his back clicking multiple times. "Actually, yes! I do think it's weird in itself that something was able to cut through Lance's armour AND his flesh, but it's lucky that whatever scarred him didn't touch his bone. However, there is a weird green lining inside the gash. I'm thinking that someone or something has injected it into his blood." 

Frowning, I pushed Coran out of the way, and crouched down to Lance's level to see the cut. He yelped, tripping over his own feet in surprise. Funnily enough, Coran was right. A green substance stuck to his upper skin, dangling precariously and threatening to fall into the wound. Immediately, Pidge shot up, holding tweezers I didn't know she had, and shoved me out of the way to take the substance from Lance's gash. She furrowed her eyebrows as she placed it carefully onto a glass slide, inspecting it. 

"Do you know what it is?" Shiro asked, walking over to her to scrutinise it too.   
"No, but if I put it here and scan it with this..." She held out her wrist and let a red laser pass through it, and a green screen lit up in front of her. "It says that this lining is actually a... a poison! Someone poisoned Lance?" 

Suddenly, everyone stared at me. 

"What, you think I did this?!" I said, my feet tapping even faster. "Just because we argue sometimes doesn't mean I'd intentionally poison him! Besides, as much as I'd like to, we need him to form Voltron. It couldn't have been one of us."

Coran gasped. "Oh! I know what this is!" Everyone looked towards him eagerly. "It's Yeounal Poison. It was popular 10,000 years ago: lots of gangs and pirates used it when they committed a crime. it wouldn't kill you, but it would make the person poisoned forget everything. Who they are, where they are, and who everyone else is."

I gripped my arm. He would forget me. 

"Eventually the substance ran out, so no one could use it. Usually only a drop or two would make them forget everything they've known in about two weeks, for you earthlings, but the fact that Lance has been knocked out means that hes been injected with an insane amount. That takes it down to about a week." Coran finished.   
"Is there anyway to get Lance to remember everything?" I questioned, looking sadly at his face.  
"There is one way, but it would take a great amount of effort."  
"We'll do everything we can. What is it?" I said.

"We need one person only to stay with Lance for the week, telling him about his life. If anyone else sees him, he'll get confused and wonder why there are so many more people. But first, just get Lance into a healing pod. He won't be fully healed from the poison, but at least his wound will close." Coran said, sighing deeply. 

I needed to be the one to stay with Lance. As crazy as it sounded, I knew I was the only one who could bring him back. And it would be an opportunity for me to get closer to him, and finally figure out what I may have felt for him.


	4. Let Me Start At The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry these chapters are so short, they do get longer lol

Keith's Pov: 

"Where.... where am I?" he whispered as he stepped out of the healing pod, paranoid and shivering in the cold. Everyone had left me alone with Lance, and had left with their lions to a mission to find out who had poisoned Lance, along with Coran. They suspected it to be Galra who had infiltrated the castle and spread Yeounal poison on the blade of the training bot. If Lance even glanced for a second at another being, he would be confused and terrified, forgetting everything that I would've told him about his life. His brain wouldn't be able to handle anyone else, for then he would want to know who they were, which would be far too much information for his mental capacity.  
When I suggested that I should stay with Lance, Hunk almost fainted, Allura's eye wouldn't stop twitching and Pidge just laughed for minutes on end. But Shiro stood up for me, and eventually, everyone agreed that I should stay, except I could tell Hunk was jealous. Him and Lance were best friends; they had been since their first day at the Garrison years ago. But I asked him to trust me with this. I needed him to trust me. Because even though Lance and I fighted a lot, we had a type of intimacy that no one else had. Not that type of intimate, you dirty, but we were so invested in being better than one another, that I actually realised I knew more than I thought I did about him. I knew what got him angry, I knew his pet peeves, I even knew his family since he'd tell everyone about them. And I knew that even though he hated me, he still cared. 

"Hey. Do you remember your name?" I smiled, happy to see him awake.   
"Um... My name is Lance...?" 

"Lance...?"

He paused. 

"I don't know." 

My grin faded. It was horrible, seeing him like this. At least he hadn't completely forgotten everything - that would only happen if at the end of the week, he still hadn't recalled his memories. "Your name is Lance McClain. You're seventeen, and right now, you're safe." I helped him regain his footing, and sat him down on the makeshift bed.

"Who are you? And where am I?"He looked around worriedly, never making eye contact with me.   
"I'm Keith Kogane. I was told that I should help you remember everything you've forgotten. You're in the Castle of Lions. This place is where you have lived for the year." 

He stood up sharply, spinning his legs to the other side of the bed and glimpsed at the door. His voice was hoarse yet threatening. "I want to leave now. What have you done to me? Where is my family?"  
I was told this would happen. I turned to face him again, slowly approaching and placing one hand on his. I felt myself blush deeply as he let me lead him out of the room and into the corridor. "Lance, you're okay. I'm going to take you to your bedroom, and there you can get a good nights rest. I know everything seems scary and new to you right now, but I promise you, everything is fine." His grip on my hand tightened as I smiled at him. He needed to know that I was someone he could trust.   
"Your family are safe too. They're on Earth right now. Your older brother is Marco, and you love him but sometimes he's really annoying. You're very close with your older brother Luis and sister Veronica. You and Rachel don't talk much, but Sylvio, Nadia and Lisa are your best friends in the family."  
Lance smiled slightly as he remembered them. At least, I hoped he did. His memory wasn't completely gone, but he still didn't remember who I was. 

We walked hand in hand down the hallway, me telling him stories about his childhood and such (Hunk told me all of what I needed to know), and he giggled at the funny parts and saddened when I was obligated to tell him that his great grandfather had passed away. He was still Lance, but a more washed out version. He didn't talk much, and frightened at every noise which sounded around the castle, but he seemed comfortable around me, eventually placing his head on my shoulder as we walked to his bedroom.  
I knew that I was going as red as a beetroot, and my heart beating out of my chest, but he didn't notice at all. 

"...Keith, is it?"  
I nodded.  
"Who are you to me?"   
He innocently looked at me, his eyelashes batting as he blinked widely.   
I wondered if I should lie. Say we were friends. No, say we were best friends.   
Maybe even say we were dating. But I couldn't. Even one wrong fact that I told him could jeopardize his memory forever, and we wouldn't have him back. 

I sighed. "I don't know. We fight a lot, but I think we're friends. We compete in everything, and I know that you always try to be better than me. But I like talking to you. I like being with you." 

He grimaced. "Really?"   
"Yes, really." We stayed silent for a while, before arriving at Lance's bedroom door. I'd never been inside, but I guess there's a first time for everything.   
His walls were covered in posters of Rihanna and Beyonce, and his bed was a mess of jumpers and papers lying around. Despite the clutter, it still smelled fresh, and clean, just like Lance did. He gripped onto my arm, shrinking behind me.   
"Where am I? You never told me where I am, and what I'm doing here. Keith? Keith?" His pupils started to shrink, and his lip started to quiver. I knew he was agitated, but to help, I needed to stay calm.

"Here. Do you want to sit?"  
He shook his head. "Where am I? What am I doing here?"  
"That's okay. We can stand. But what I'm about to tell you is a lot of information. I need you to concentrate," I said slowly, making sure my words were clear and crisp. Lance nodded, his eyes darting about the room warily.

"Do you know of something called Voltron...?"


	5. That's What I Tell Myself

Lance POV:

Everything was hazy. Where was I? Who was I? I couldn't remember a single thing.

Or that's what I told myself.

I knew it was early in the morning when I stepped out of the healing pod, a fuzziness overloading in my brain.   
"Where am I?" I heard myself say, my eyes flicking around the room. Keith was already with me, leaning against the makeshift bed and smiling warmly at my face. I wanted to smile back at him, but it would ruin everything. He'd know that I was faking it, know that I was just toying with him. So I played along, looking scared and paranoid and pale against the blue, dim light of the room.   
"Hey. Do you remember your name?" Keith said, helping me regain my footing.   
"..Lance?"   
"Lance...?"  
"I... I don't know."

I know this sounds like the most narcissistic thing, but I'm a hella good actor. As  
Keith's smile faded, I knew that I was safe. He thought that I was truly gone. Well, I wasn't gone, but he thought that my memory had been partially erased. I felt bad, really bad about what I was doing to him. But I had already dug too far. 

To others, it's no secret that Keith and I dislike eachother. But theres something underneath that hate, something that I think we both know is there, but we'd never want to acknowledge it. And okay, I know what you're thinking: Lance how could you do this, you're pretending to have forgotten your life, and now you're friends are freaked out?! How heartless! But my actions were made out of reason. It's not like I pretended to have gotten stabbed. Oh no, that was real. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

After Keith and I had, um, fought, I'd found myself in the training deck. I didn't usually go there by choice, only if Shiro forced me to, but this time, I had walked there without really realising. Keith's words had stabbed me like a blade, making my vision clouded with black spots and my lips quivering. Keith and I fought all the time, nonstop. About silly things, or life and death situations to do with Voltron. But he had never, ever told me that I was insignificant, or worthless, or nothing. In fact, no one in the team had, after Hunk told them of my insecurities. I was stupid, and I was weak, but everytime someone looked down on me, it always hurt more than it should've. I have a mega family, so I'm used to my parents not paying as much attention to me sometimes. But they didn't really tell me I was doing well in anything, but always praised my younger sister Veronica, for being outstanding in everything. And damn, did it hurt. I would work as hard as I could, but it never seemed to be enough. It killed whenever someone thought I wasn't good enough, because I tried so hard. It was as though my sole goal at the Garrison was for me to impress Keith, for him to finally notice me. Whenever I saw him, I felt... happy. Yet I hated how good he was at everything, and I'd tried to forget the things I thought and felt about him. But he never failed to make me smile, even when he glanced at me for less than a second. 

However, now I knew how he really felt, and there was nothing I could to change that. I slipped on my gear in the changing rooms, not thinking about my actions, and stumbled into the main training area. Touching my bayard so that it grew on my arm to morph into a blue and white rifle, I talked into thin air. "Simulation, run level five, gladiator." My voice was monotonous, uninterested. Why was I even training? Why had I come here? It was the one place that Keith spent most of his time, and of course I had decided to plague myself with memories of him training in this very room. It made my heart beat out of my chest, and my stomach seemed to be having a rather large dance party, but I ignored the nausea as the gladiator came sprinting at me. I dodged lightly, shooting at the bots leg, but it evaded my laser. 

That moment... it reminded me of a time when Keith had taught me how to avoid the gladiators properly, without getting cornered.

"Here, Lance, you have to do it like this."   
We were alone in the deck, and his hand reached out to my arm. He stood behind me, his face breathing heavily next to my neck. He guided me towards the left in a quick movement, telling me how to position my legs so I didn't trip over. I flushed, and I could tell we were both slightly uncomfortable, but almost in a good way. We weren't too close, but even the feeling of Keith's hands on my arms made my head ache. He stepped back, and nodded. "Now try by yourself. Trust me, it works at least 70% of the time. Just don't do it too much, or the opponent will see it coming."   
I smiled and did the slick movement again, and he held his thumbs up. He actually... did that. It felt like an volcano had erupted in my heart as I returned the favour. 

Yeah, okay, it was a nice memory and all, but the fact that I'd been standing there like an idiot, remembering that long ago moment while a gladiator came to demolish me was the most stupid thing I've ever done. And once, I tried to do a backflip off of the roof of my house because my brother Luis had dared me to. Even worse than that. The bot took advantage of my frozen state and shoved me harshly to the ground, its blade against my neck.   
"End simulation," I groaned. Great. I couldn't even pass level 5, when Keith was most probably far, far past level 15. 

It still stood there, towering above me.

"I said, end simulation?!"

Nothing. 

Except I felt a rope spring from the ground and attach around my legs and arms, pulling me to the marble even harder. I tried to scream, but a tie had roped itself around my neck, preventing my voice from producing even a squeak. The gladiator, who I had once thought was a hologram, pressed a button on the side of his helmet and spoke in a non roboty, rasping voice. 

"Yes... yes ma'am.... mimic will be injected now... he won't remember this, we ran tests, remember?... plan engaged in 5... 4..."   
I tried to break myself free from the ropes, but they tightened with every move I made. I felt salty tears prick at the side of my eyes. Was this how I died? The end? Yeah, put death by fangirling over Keith then getting stabbed seconds after by a training gladiator on my gravestone. I closed my eyes, falling limp under the pressure of the ropes. If I was going out now, I wanted my last thought to be perfect.

And as the robot raised its' sword, coming down to pierce my arm almost in slow motion, I thought of Keith.  
******************************************

Dark.

It was so dark, and so cold. 

I didn't know when I regained conciousness. I tried to open my eyes, but froze instantly as Coran's voice reverberated around my ears. I didn't know where I was, but my body was weak. I was paralysed; even my eyelids couldn't seem to find their way to the light. It was as if I was in a coma, but I knew I was awake. Somehow, I could almost make out half of the words being said into the air, something about... Yeounal... poison? And being left alone. And memory loss? But I felt fine. 

Okay, apart from the fact that my right arm felt as thought it had been crushed by a building, I was totally fine. 

I remembered who I was. Lance McClain. 17. Paladin of Voltron, Blue Lion. Hunk was my best friend, and Pidge was a genius. Shiro was the leader, Allura the princess, and Coran Coran, was of course, the gorgeous man. Keith was-

Keith. Rivals for life. Forever enemies. Or at least, that's what I told myself. That we could never be together, because he didn't know who I was, and he could never feel the same way about me that I felt for him. Coming to terms with the fact that I... liked Keith was something I didn't want to have to do, not now anyway, but I guess knowing the fact that I'd been poisoned and would probably start to lose my memory had made me want to speed up the process. Still frozen in place, I tried to listen in to what was being said. A silence followed after Coran had stopped speaking. For a while I held my breath. Who else was in the room? Again I willed myself to get up and speak, but I couldn't. My brain set off alarms, and I panicked. Why wasn't I getting up? Was my lion okay? Why did my arm ache so fucking much? Why was no one explaining anyth-

"I'll stay with him. A week with Lance shouldn't be too bad, and if you need me to fill Lance in, Hunk can just tell me." All of a sudden, my mind turned to stone, and the blaring ceased immediately. 

Keith.   
Keith Kogane. 

What? This made no sense. I guess I was on some kind of medicinal drug, because the Keith Kogane I knew would not stay with me for a week. I didn't even know the context of the conversation. No one seemed to care to say in full detail. I guess to them I had either passed out or was dead. They didn't know I was awake, but it wasn't like I could've told them. My body seemed to reject any sort of movement. 

I think it was Pidge who spoke first. Her voice was a mere whisper, but it felt louder in my ear. "Keith, I get that you want to like, make out with Lance, or whatever, but I really think it would be best if Hunk just did this."  
Hunk snickered, which Keith did not take lightly.  
"Pidge, no. All I'm saying is that maybe if I stayed with him we could... I don't know, bond? We'll stop fighting and then Voltron will be stronger than ever and you guys won't hear us bicker anymore." His voice was strained, as if someone had clutched his neck.  
Allura sighed deeply. "Keith, I understand, but we can't risk anything going wrong. One false move and Lance is gone forever. We need him." There was some sort of unspoken agreement, when Shiro spoke up. "Guys, I think Keith may be right. We would be killing two birds with one stone if he got Lance back, and they become better friends for it. If anything, Hunk can relay any important parts in Lance's life. That would help Lance remember, and he should be back to normal." 

Pidge scoffed. "I really don't think there are any important parts in Lance's life."   
I wanted to scold her, come up with something to bite her back with, but of course, I was immobilized. 

Coran decided to ignore the sadistic comment. "Well then, is it settled? Keith is staying with Lance for the week?" It felt weird to hear, but no one objected. Only Hunk muttered underneath his breath, too nice to say anything bad to someone's face. "Righto then. We will have to leave the Castle in the next few Vargas, though. Remember, only one person must be with a Yeounal Victim or they will be overwhelmed."

"Why is that?" Keith asked. 

"Lance will be told about his whole life in a nutshell, which is a lot to take on. Another being will be too much information for him to handle. Just take it for what it is." Coran took in a large breath. "Keith, all you need to know for this mission, is to tell him the truth about everything. Also, make sure to not miss out any details. The way Yeounal works is that when moments in his life are told back to him, he should slowly start to remember and feel like himself again. Even one lie could mean that he would either forget his life forever and become a black hole of nothing, or he would have a twisted version of a memory. So, in simpler terms, he might not even remember Voltron at all, and after the deadline, there is nothing we can do to save him." 

Finally, someone explained. So apparently, I'm supposed to have memory loss and sooner or later I'm meant to forget everything about my life if no one fills me in. I'd definitely been injected with this Yeounal thing- if Coran could identify it, then we had to believe him. But I could remember so much about me. I ran through my life in my head as I lay motionless, and nothing seemed to slip my mind. I was okay . I sighed in my head, relieved. But it still meant that they thought I had been poisoned and my memory had disappeared. And considering the circumstances, I couldn't get up and tell them that I was fine.

So maybe I could use this to my advantage. A whole week with Keith to myself. My body warmed up immensely. I was being selfish, and putting us at risk, but I wanted it so badly. Wanted to be with Keith without pretending that I hated him. Wanted him to care. 

So, I had a plan. Once everyone left the Castle, I would act as though my memory has disappeared, and supposedly 'bond' with Keith for a whole week. I loved the idea so much, but also knew what I was doing was wrong. What would he do if he found out? He would hate me even more, and I would've made everything worse. I hated myself for this. But I couldn't stop myself.

I just told myself that I was doing this because Keith and I needed to be friends so we could from Voltron without arguing or being bitter towards eachother. That was my excuse. 


	6. Midnight

* * *

Keith's POV: 

Lance stared directly in front if him, his face devoid of any emotion. We'd ended up on the bed, since he had been slightly overwhelmed with the amount if information he was taking in. I didn't know how he would react, you know, being told that he was one of the only people in the world who could save the universe from purple aliens, and also being chosen to be apart of a team called Voltron which he didn't sign up for all over again. Maybe I'd messed up, and told him too much all at once. I wasn't exactly sure of the boundaries.   
"Hey, are you alright? I'm sorry if this is too much for you, but I have to tell you all of this so you can be yourself again."  
Lance gulped, nodding slowly. He whispered, barely audible even in the silence. "I... I don't know what to say. Are you even telling me the truth?" 

I lowered my gaze slightly. "Of course I am!   
Do you not trust me, or whatever? It- It doesn't even matter, it's fine, I'll just go and leave you to- yeah."   
God, why did I have to say that? Always embarrassing myself in front of Lance. Of course, it wasn't like I liked him or anything. It was just that he made me feel something, almost like I needed for him to know that he was safe with me, and that I was being honest and sincere. It hurt more than I thought it would when he asked that simple question. But then again, I couldn't blame him. He'd been brainwashed. He wasn't the same Lance.

He wouldn't be able to remember anything we'd gone through unless I was able to help him regain his memory in the space of about 7 days, give or take. Hell, even when he did have his memory, he forgot our bonding moment.   
I... don't even want to talk about that. That small moment was so special to me, but I guess he didn't feel the same way. 

I mean, I didn't care. Totally didn't. It doesn't matter. Yeah, whatever. 

As I started to pull myself away from the mattress, Lance snapped his head up. His eyes were glossed over, as if he was still in a dream. "Who are the other... what do you call them... paladins of Voltron? Where are they? Can I meet them? What do they look like? What are there names? I-"   
No no no no no. This wasn't supposed to happen. He didn't need anyone else on his mind right now. And I was meant to steer him away from thinking about them. 

Well how in the heck was I going to do that? 

But I didn't have time to think, as his hands started to quiver uncontrollably. Worried, I sat back down again, placing my hands onto his. It was all quite platonic, nothing more than friend to friend hand holding. "Um, Lance. They're not here right now, but do you want to talk about something else, like, I don't know, songs? I know you like songs, like Halo by Rihanna, and ABBA. Oh! And you like to dance a lot. It's so cringy but I have to put up it because most of the time you never stop." His jaw dropped, but then he shut it and shook his head. That was funny, he almost looked like himself there, as if he was going to begin an argument about his dancing skills. I was probably just seeing things.  
It wasn't a surprise that I knew all of these things about Lance, but saying them aloud to him made it sound like I was a creep who was always watching him. Which I definitely never do. 

Ever. I promise. 

I smiled at him, a toothless, small one, but he returned the gesture, and for a second we stayed like that, and the impending doom upon us didn't cross my mind once. And I liked it. Just being with him and not thinking about anything else. But I looked down, and saw my hand still resting on his. Feeling the heat rise to my cheeks, I snatched my hand away, and Lance took in a small breath, not seeming to relax after a few tense, awkward minutes. Yup, I'd officially ruined it. 

"Well, maybe we should get to sleep. I'll go to my room; if you need anything, it's just down the right, then the third door straight ahead. If you wanted to, tomorrow I could show you your lion?" I said, biting the inside of my cheeks nervously. It would be for the best if we just forgot the previous minute, and act as if we just didn't have some kind of weird thing going on. 

"No!" Lance shouted, gripping onto his sheets and making his knuckles white.  
"What do you mean, no?"  
He flushed, and closed his eyes. "I guess I don't feel comfortable being alone. You just told me that we were in a war with the 'Galra', apparently. If they attacked now, then I wouldn't be armed or anything, or even know how to use my 'lion' to defend myself."  
I paused, then crossed my arms. "So you want me to stay here. And protect you?"

Lance shrugged. "I don't know how to ask you any other way. I guess that is what I'm saying."  
If only I had a video recorder. It would be the most perfect blackmail material for me to show him when he got back to normal. He was asking me to protect him. Absolute Gold. But I couldn't mock him now, because he had a point. He wouldn't know how to stay alive if the Galra did attack, but I doubted it would even happen. Pidge installed a cloaking device which should last a couple of weeks at best. Zarkon couldn't attack what he couldn't see.

I sighed reluctantly. "Fine. But where do I sleep? There's only one bed, and I'm not that keen on-"   
"Oh _please_ Keith, don't act all tough and emo. It's just a bed, it doesn't mean anything." Lance rolled his eyes. But after a couple of seconds, he widened them, and his face contorted.

I frowned slightly. "Are you feeling okay?" 

Lance wasn't supposed to act like that towards me. He spoke to me like he usually did, with a biting force. But I just shook off the thought. Maybe he was fighting the Yeounal. Maybe he was starting to remember.   
"Yeah. I'm sorry, I just- something felt weird."   
He held his hands to his temple, in slight pain. I didn't want to argue with him in case it made things worse, so I climbed into the bed with him, careful to stay as far away as possible. We were rivals, we weren't meant to lie in bed together like a fucking married couple.

I'm not saying I hated the idea though. 

"Are you just gonna lie in bed without getting on pyjamas?" Lance said, seemingly feeling better and getting up to rip of his white t-shirt.   
I tried not to let my eyes search his body as he stripped himself, eventually pulling on shorts. "Uh, no. If you want me to be your knight in shining armour and protect you, then I'd rather be armed and not waddling about in my undies."  
Lance giggled and pulled the duvet over him after switching off the light. I hated how dark it was. "You're funny."

My heart pounded against my ribcage as Lance shuffled closer. I could just about see his eyes close and his breathing slowed. I tried to speak, but no words seemed to emerge. 

"Thank you, for being with me today. I know I've forgotten a lot of things, and I promise that I'm trying really hard to remember, but its nice to know that I'm not alone in this." he said, and pulled one last grin before his shoulders dropped and he fell asleep. 

I hated the fact that Lance made me blush like crazy. I hated the fact that his face looked so perfect when he slept. I hated how it made me want to kiss him. 

Maybe we weren't rivals, or enemies, or whatever we said we were.

What if I actually had feelings for him? 

And that's when it all went to shit.


	7. Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can yall tell I usually post on Wattpad cuz this chapters are so short I'm so sorry

Lance's Pov: 

Waking up to see Keith's face next to mine was a slight shock. His lips were slightly parted, and his eyelashes were so long and dark, such a contrast from his white, clear face. It was like looking at heaven. He was just so... beautiful. I'd decided to accept my feelings for Keith, and stop denying it. Because hating him was so much harder than giving in to what I felt. I liked him. A lot. I mean, I was even pretending to have a partially erased memory just so I could be alone with him! Was it worth it, though? 

Definitely.

Keith had been nothing but kind to me yesterday, and I loved it. He had held my hand, and talked to me without arguing, and even laid in the same bed as me. It was such a good feeling, to know that he could be nice to someone like me. But it was so bittersweet. Because I knew that the only reason he was doing this was to help me 'recover'. Once he thought I was back to normal, we would probably go back to how it was before. I was just trying to savour this week while it lasted. Because at some point, it would end. 

I didn't know the time, since it always looked dark outside (space and stuff, you know?), so I just stayed lying down, staring at Keith's perfect face. Suddenly, he opened his eyes, his mouth opening slightly at the sight of me. He jumped up, bouncing me into the air and grabbing a hold of his bayard which was attached to his jacket. "OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" I frowned, cocking my head to one side. I had to make sure that I remembered to pretend to not remember anything. This was so messed up.   
Keith opened his mouth and closed his eyes, gasping. "Damn it, I'm so sorry. I forgot that you were... never mind. It was just a bit different for us to be so close." He tucked his bayard away, not looking at me directly.

"It's okay. I forgot too." 

Keith smiled. I liked it when he did. It was cute.   
"Yeah, um, hurry up and shower. It's that door on your left - afterwards we can go steal some of Hunks... pancakes". Suddenly, his face dropped. The redness in his cheeks vanished, and his eyes lost that tiny spark of light it had when he glanced at me. 

"Are you okay? Hello, earth to Keith?" 

He just sighed and walked towards my door. "Yeah. I'm fine, or whatever. I'll be in my room."   
And he left, the door sliding shut behind him. 


	8. Blue Lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its hAPPENING

Keith's Pov:

I needed to get out of there. His bedroom was so hot and sticky, making my t-shirt cling to my skin. Lance looked at me, confused at why I'd stormed out like that. But I felt too bad. I couldn't let him see the guilt drawn all over my face.

Hunk's pancakes...

This was all my fault. I did this to him. Lance came to me that morning only two days ago, just to make sure that I was safe. But I just screamed at him. And immediately after that, he ran to the training deck. And that's where he had been injected the Yeounal Poison. Why did I have to be such an assshat? Why couldn't I just have left with Lance to "Eat some of Hunk's amazing pancakes", and none of this would've happened. I wouldn't have had to lay in a bed with Lance, or develop any unwanted feelings for him. 

Feelings. Damn, I've thought about that word more than I ever have before. I don't understand them, and I know I never will. But what I've been feeling for Lance isn't new. I've been hiding it in the back of my mind, making sure it never emerged. But now that I've had time to actually think about them, they've been running rampage, confusing me, and making me feel so happy, yet so afraid. Afraid that once I get close to Lance, he'll just leave me like everyone else does. Afraid that if I don't help him to remember, he'll forget me forever. Afraid that he won't return the feelings I have for him. 

A whole week stuck with Lance. Shit, what if I had to spend every night with him? I don't think I could be that close to him without wanting to caress his face, and hold him close. He made me feel a certain way, and having him that near me was not good for my mental health.

"Keith? Keith, wait, hold up-" Lance came running after me, his bare feet pattering against the cold floor. He seemed out of breath, panting every couple of seconds. I turned around slowly.   
"What is it?"   
Lance had wrapped his blanket around his shoulders, shivering. He looked so vulnerable, desperate. I hated seeing him look so hopeless.   
"Why did you go off like that? You said we could go have breakfast! Is it something I did?"   
I sighed. "No. You didn't do anything wrong. I did. Look, I'm sorry, okay? Let's just go downstairs and have some breakfast." 

Lance frowned, then took a hold of my hand, clasping both of his around mine. I gasped, my face burning. He looked so... angelic before me, and even though the lights were low and blue, he still shone in the darkness. I melted in his gaze. 

"Keith, why are you apologising? You've done nothing wrong to me. I know you're trying to help and I really appreciate it. Please, just don't be upset. Now, tell me about Voltron. What kind of things do we get into? Can I fly my lion? I promise I'll learn really fast." Lance smiled mischievously, and prompted me to show him to the kitchen with a squeeze on my hand. He didn't seem to think anything of us being together like this. I don't think he particularly cared that it was weird for us two RiValS to be holding hands in a very big and quiet castle. Alone. So instead of overthinking it, I just smiled back and walked with him through different corridors, and down lots of staircases, telling him about different things we'd been through as paladins. Whilst trying to completely avoid talking about anyone else other than us two. 

Once we had arrived in the Kitchen, Lance sat at the table, reluctantly letting go of my hand. I opened the makeshift fridge and pulled out the fluffy, golden pancakes and heated them in the oven for a few minutes, before plating them. Lance's eyes widened in excitement as I gave him his dish, and he groaned happily. 

"Thess are so good! Who made these?" He said, his mouth full of them.   
"Oh, Hunk did." 

And then I stopped. 

Lance put down his pancake. "Who's that? Why haven't you told me about a Hunk?"   
I grimaced slightly. How could I be so dumb and let that slip?   
"Um, I'm going to be truthful here. I can't tell you about anyone else. We need you to remember who you are, and being told about other people might confuse you." 

Lance scoffed. "Okay, so what about when you told me about my Grandpa? Or my sisters and brothers? I was fine then! How could you possibly 'help me remember what I've forgotten', or all that shit, if you can't even tell me about the people I've been living with? You think I'm that weak? I can take it, Keith!" 

He was right. I couldn't keep evading telling him about the rest of the paladins. And he did seem okay when I told him about his family, which was an accident, and I didn't even think much about it. But I had to abide by Coran's rules. Because even if I did tell him and he acted fine, maybe his brain would be overloading, and he just didn't realise.   
"Lance, I never said you were weak. I just think that we should be careful. I don't want anything bad to happen to you because of me. We both don't know a lot about your condition yet, so it's better if we just stay on the safe side."

His shoulders relaxed. "You don't want anything to happen to me? You mean that?" His face crumpled slightly, and he didn't look me in the eyes. He just stared at the floor, fumbling with his blanket.   
"Of course not! Look, in the past we may have fought, but I would hate myself if you were gone forever. Your life is in my hands."

"That means we have to be twice as careful," Lance said, the corners of his mouth twitching. He was trying so hard to suppress a laugh. I pouted, and he giggled, a sweet, small laugh which made my insides turn. Ugh, that was so cute and I hated that it made me feel like that. "Okay. Keith, I'll promise not to ask about anyone else again, even if it is stupid and makes no sense. Now can I see my lion?!" 

I stood up, taking our plates into the dish rack, and crossed my arms. "Fine, okay. But I will warn you, you're a terrible pilot. So please, before you rush into it, let me teach you properly." Lance nodded eagerly, and jumped up from his seat. It would not hurt to give him a little spin in his lion. And if there were any problems, I could always contact the paladins. I mentally noted to get in touch with Coran. I needed to understand this whole telling Lance about his life but then not telling him about the people in his life situation. Something felt off about it, as if I wasn't being told the whole picture. But that would have to wait, because Lance seemed as though he would bounce off of the walls if I didn't take him to his blue ship. 

He grabbed a hold of my hand again as I took him to his hangar. "Do you always have to hold my hand like that?" I asked, my heart twisting in anguish as he smiled down at me.   
"If I hold on to you, then I know you won't be able to leave me. I need you. Unless you have a problem with this...?"   
I faltered, my mouth turning dry. What did he just say? "You need me?"  
Lance blushed, then cleared his throat. "Yes, I need you to help me get my memory back. That's what I meant." 

I laughed nervously, then released my hand from his grip when we arrived at his hangar.   
"What's this?" he said.   
"Just grap on to this zipline here. Just let it happen. I'll go to mine and then I'll meet you in a clearing where our lions are at the moment."   
Lance bit his lip anxiously, then closed his eyes and nodded.   
I held on to my zipline as it carried me down to my lion - it was a sequence I'd experienced so many times, so it didn't feel like much, but I could hear Lance screaming to no end in the next tunnel.

"NOO PLEASE.... IM GONNA FALL... OH NO I SWEAR... GET ME OUT..." 

Oh how I wished for a video camera. I would never let him live this moment down. Ever. 

Once we'd both landed (actually, Lance face planted more like) in the clearing, my lion roared, happy to see me. I walked over to Lance, laughing at his red, embarrassed face as I helped him stand up.   
"I meant to do that," he said indignantly. He glanced up for a second, then looked away, then he turned his body fully to see the large animal in front of him. His eyes seemed to bulge outside of his head as he stared at Blue in awe. He glided towards his lion, unable to believe that this was real. It was exactly how I'd felt when I first realised that Allura wasn't joking about Voltron. He looked for me for instructions, touching the particle barrier around the lion cautiously. "What do I do? Do I sing to it? Dance?" 

I rolled my eyes. "No, of course not, dumbass. The first time we saw your lion, you knocked, and she let you in. So maybe just try and knock." Lance nodded and obeyed. Nothing happened.   
"Maybe she won't let me in because I forgot about her." Lance turned his gaze fully onto his lions'. "Hey... Blue! How ya doing? So I'm back now, and I know I've been gone a while but I really miss you. So can I come in now?" 

Still nothing. 

Lance tutted, throwing his arms up into the air. Why wouldn't Blue let him in? Usually they had such a strong bond, but all of a sudden, she didn't seem to want to cooperate. I didn't know if it was because of Lance's memory loss, but that seemed like a dumb idea. If anything, Blue should've been more willing to open up. I shrugged.

"Well, maybe you can't be in the pilots seat for now, but I could take you for a ride in my own lion? We could look at the stars for a while, get out of this castle..." It came out without me really thinking, but I instantly regretted it. It sounded like I was asking him on a fucking date. 

Lance stepped towards me, and held my hands for the third time today. Our foreheads were almost touching, and I swore I could feel my blood boiling as he smiled crookedly. 

"I'd like that a lot."


	9. The Date that Isn't Really a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> also I'm writing this from my phone so this may look like shit I'm sorry lol

* * *

Keith's POV:

Red hummed playfully as she felt my hands start to increase in warmth. Lance was sitting on the arm rest of my seat, entwining his legs through mine so that he didn't fall backwards. I started to sweat profusely in my helmet. It was awkward, and slightly uncomfortable. Why was it getting hotter in here? Was my lion heating up? Or was if just the redness of my checks burning? I spoke to Red, talking to her through our connection. Listen, you know I don't want to be in this situation, okay? Don't make it worse.   
My lion roared twice, laughing at my embarrassment, as if to say, are you sure about that? I scowled, and gripped my thrusters harder. Red flew even faster into Space, the clusters of stars brightening the dark abyss. Lance clutched onto my arm, smiling and whooping as we drifted through different galaxies, and purple suns .   
"Huh. That's funny. Blue and Red makes purple." Lance giggled, blushing as he looked at me.   
I bit my lip, wincing.   
This wasn't real. Lance would never have said this. It's just because he lost his memory that he's acting like this towards me. It felt like a punch in the gut - why couldn't we be like this normally? I didn't answer him, but just let go of my controls, leaning back into my seat and closing my eyes. 

"Can I ask you a question?" 

"No." 

Lance frowned. "Oh come oooooon Keith! Aren't you supposed to be answering my questions? Is that not why you're with me?" 

"Ugh, fine. But it depends what the question is."

"Its about you. Or us, for that matter."

I kept my eyes closed, trying not to show any emotion on my face. "No."

"Keef. Keeeeeeeef. KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!" 

Lance could make me swoon and make me want to kiss him sometimes, but he could also make me want to shove him out of my lion. 

"Fine. What is it?" 

"Why do you hate me so much?" 

I froze. That wasn't a subject I wanted to touch on, especially considering my feelings for him. It was too touchy, a vulnerable place for me. And I hate vulnerability. It's for the weak. I'm not weak.

"I don't hate you Lance."

"Then why are you always so rude to me? I don't understand..."

He really had the nerve to say that? After everything he did to me? All of the turmoil he put me under, and he asks why. "You're kidding, right? You were the one who pulled me into a rivalry I didn't care to be in!" Lance scrunched his nose, shuffling away from me a little. It was just a small movement, but small enough for me to notice it. 

"Well that's not how I remember it-"

"That's the problem! You don't remember. You've made up this image of me that you want to believe, but it's not true. Why is it that you hate me so much?" 

"When have I ever said that I hated you?" 

He's joking right? Tell me he's joking.

"Like, every day of the week. You literally say, and I quote, 'Good morning Keith. I hate you by the way'." 

Lance grinned, his teeth perfectly white and straight. I hated it so much. But it was also so adorable. So adorable. 

"I don't regret ever saying that. But seriously, have you ever considered that maybe I don't hate you as much as I say so?" His smile dropped, and turned away, staring at the darkness of the outside. I didn't speak, couldn't speak. I'd known Lance for 4 years, all of them at the Garrison. And after all of our bickering, and fighting, and so called rivalry, he just... acts like he never meant it all? Don't get me wrong, I revelled in it. Loved the feeling that Lance didn't want to murder me every time I talked to him. But this was too far. He was messing with my head. 

"Dude, I get it. You're mind is all messed up - you might be thinking about someone else." 

Lance shook his head vigorously, furrowing his eyebrows. "No Keith, I'm being hones-"

I couldn't allow him to say it. I wouldn't. "Or maybe you just don't remember me properly." 

"Keith. Listen to me." 

"I guess it could be that your personality isn't the same-"

I could feel his eyes boring through my soul, but I focused on weaving my lion through large, grey space boulders blocking my way. And then he slapped me.

A hard, full on wack. And Lance had told me about 'La Chancla' in his household, and that sounded terrifying to me. This might have been worse.   
The sound echoed around the metal walls, and my Lion growled, sensing that I was in danger. Instinctively, I cradled my hand on my cheek, almost feeling the mark he had left on my skin. We'd argue, but not once did we lay a hand on eachother. I wouldn't touch him, and he agreed to do the same. I guess we were breaking that unspoken rule today.

"What. The. Actual. Fuck? Lance, I don't care if you've lost your memory or not, I swear I will murder your ass right now." He jolted, jumping off of his little perch, and backed into the corner. I followed him, completely ignoring my controls and concentrating on how exactly to annihilate Lance completely. Maybe I'd use my bayard, that seemed like a sensible and mature approach. 

He held up his hands, his back completely against the wall. I walked closer and clenched my fists. 

"Nope nope. Not the face." 

I scoffed. "You're full of bullshit today, you know that?" 

"I get it, I'm sorry. I didn't meant to hit you, I just needed your attention. Can you just listen to me please? I want to explain."

I couldn't even think straight enough to answer him properly. I gave him a half hearted grunt as a response, my hands still balled but falling to my side. He relaxed his shoulders, sighing inwardly.

"I don't hate you like you think I do. Okay, maybe I hated you, or told myself that I hated you a couple of years ago. In the Garrison, I was so jealous of you."

"You made that very obvious," I said, recalling times that I had beated Lance in so, so much, and he would just protest and sulk like a baby for days on end. 

"Keith. Please. I wanted so badly for you to notice me, for us to be friends, but whenever I tried to talk to you, it was like I didn't even exist. And that is what I hated. So I made myself hate you and your perfect ways, and I guess, used that as a defense mechanism. I've always thought you were pretty cool, actually. That's the truth. I'm sorry if it's not what you wanted to hear." He held his head in his hands, groaning. 

This is what I'd tried to avoid. At least if Lance and I hated eachother, I could tell myself that if I confessed to Lance then he wouldn't feel the same way, and I'd end up embarrassing myself. Now, I had no reason. I felt like at any moment I would blurt out what I thought about him. Because I knew that he didn't hate me. He actually...

liked me. But as a friend. Not someone he'd ever see as more than just friends. 

I bit my lip, trying to suppress the urge to spill anything I didn't want him to know. This, this hurt. I was stuck in an uncomfortable position, a vulnerable position. And I hate vulnerability. I didn't respond to him, but just stared at his face, confused and conflicted. It was only then did I realise how close I was to him. Which didn't help my situation any further. What was I meant to think? 

Suddenly, Red moved violently, crashing into a boulder and spinning us around. Ugh, of course. I'd left the controls. I grunted as my lion stopped on her side, shoving me straight into Lance. He tripped and fell over me, rolling across my legs as he hit his forehead on the flooring. He yelled, wincing.

"Karma's a fucking bitch," he said, and forgetting what was happening for a second, we laughed, and I could feel his shoulders shuddering. 

I could feel his shoulders shuddering. 

I gasped as I became aware of the position we were in. Lance was on top of me.   
His hair was curlier than usual, covering his eyebrows, and it looked so... hot? Woah. He looked hot. He panted heavily, only just realising where he was as well. His eyes widened. It flashed with a hint of fear. I had to get out of here. I gritted my teeth and pulled myself from underneath him. 

"We're going back." My face turned to stone. No. I was not going to let myself crumble in front of him.

But I couldn't deny how gay that was, and how much I loved it.

And as nice as it seemed, there was still one question.

How did Lance remember the Galaxy Garrison? Because I definitely didn't tell him about it.


	10. Is This a Game? I Like Games

Lance's POV cuz I haven't done enough of him and he deserves more:

The whole ride back, we didn't speak. We'd been out for hours on end, so I presumed it was quite late at night. But during that time, Keith wouldn't even look at me, so eventually I left his hand rest and stood in the corner, my arms folded. I could tell that Kogane was uncomfortable, red and flustered as he turned Red and took off for the Castle. In fact, he was probably going faster than necessary, clearly very eager to get back to his room and not come out for hours. 

I didn't blame him.

What had occurred only minutes ago was so embarrassing, yet so endearing. Yeah, slapping Keith was a bit overboard, but he didn't want to listen. I knew it was risky, telling him about my feelings in the Garrison. But he needed to know. It was important if I wanted to get closer to him.   
Confessing that I'd admired him for such a long time was an... interesting experience, though. It was such a relief to finally get it off of my chest, but I was aware that by telling him, I would have potentially given up my act.   
He didn't react well to it. Well, he didn't say anything. Just stared at me. I wondered if I'd said something wrong, when all of a sudden, we fell, and...  
I cringed, banging my head against the wall multiple times in frustration. Keith must hate me. It was so awkward when we were like that together. He looked petrified, like he'd just watched me murder Hunk, then thrown Pidge out of the Castle of Lions, then shaved off Coran's moustache in cold blood.   
I knew he wouldn't want to talk about it, he's not that type of person. He'd want to forget about it, and pretend it never happened. I didn't want that though. I wanted us to sit down, and actually have a proper conversation about what I'd told him, and his reaction to it. However, I wouldn't be getting that any time soon.

Keith scanned for the Castle, since it was invisible to prying eyes, and eventually, we located it, his lion flying into the hangar and into the clearing. I followed him as he stepped out of the cockpit, taking off his helmet and whipping his hair frantically like a dog would after a bath. I rolled my eyes, grunting. 

"Stupid... dumb ass mullet," I said, kicking the heels of my shoe in annoyance and looking down at the marble ground. Of course he still looked so perfect - he didn't even have helmet hair! I couldn't even pull that look off. He really did beat me at everything.

"What did you say?" he barked, not bothering to turn to face me. Still humiliated, I presumed. Trying to distract himself he rubbed Red's front leg, and she purred affectionately. 

"I didn't say anything. I'm just tired." 

Keith rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, nodding slowly. "Uh, yeah, me too. I think I might just go to my room. I'll sleep a bit early tonight." My heart jumped slightly. 

"I thought you were gonna stay in my room?" It was an abrupt question, but I had an excuse. The Lance who had lost his memory was not the same person as the Lance who hadn't been poisoned. I could act a different way, and he couldn't object to it.   
Finally, his eyes met mine. They were sad, and dull. Dark circles I hadn't noticed before ringed them, making his eyes sag. He genuinely looked like he hadn't slept for the past week. "I'm sure you're fine. We went out in my lion today and Zarkon wasn't able to track us. I think you should be okay." 

Ugh, no. I wanted him to be with me. Even if we weren't talking, I needed to feel him next to me. Not like how it was in the cockpit of Red when we tripped over eachother, but how it was when he lay next to me on my mattress. I felt safe next to him. 

Wait.

Was I really being that clingy? Only days ago had he screamed at me and pushed me away. And now I wanted to snuggle with him. Am I that desperate? I had to lay off a bit, before he realised my infatuation for him. No, I'd call it more than an infatuation. I'd go as far as to say he was my crush. 

Keith.

Crush. 

Those two words should never be together in the same sentence, but somehow I had fallen for him.

I sniffed and nodded as we walked back into the main castle, the large windows in the central hub displaying the white speckles of stars against the dark sky. "Oh yeah, of course. I understand." Keith nodded and lead me back to my bedroom, believing that I couldn't remember where it was. We stopped in front of my door. 

"Well, I'll see you in the morning. That's when I'll log in your progress with Cor... I'll just log your progress." 

"Cool. G'night, Keith." I said, smiling. He walked away without another word. "Oh, wait!" 

He turned. 

"Thanks for today, it was-" 

And without a second thought, he trudged back to his bedroom, and a couple of corridors away, I heard a door slam. 

******************************************

Keith's POV: 

I couldn't sleep. My bed felt so big and empty because Lance wasn't there. I'd gotten up and laid down again, paced around my room and cleaned my bayard.   
I even did one hundred push ups just to make myself tired, but sleeping never revealed itself to me.

I was being very, very sharp with Lance. I was being too open with him, and that was so strange. I mean, taking him on a space date was far enough, but him telling me that he wanted to befriend me and then seconds after falling right on top of me? No. That's too far. And then he said that he wanted me to lie in bed with him. What the hell, man? My lovesick, broken heart couldn't take that. 

But if I wanted to get at least an hour if sleep, there was only one thing I could do.

And that's how I found myself standing outside of Lance's bedroom door, a blanket over my shoulders. I lifted my fist to knock, but there was no response. So I knocked again. I thought he wasn't going to answer, mainly because I had stomped off in the middle of him thanking me. 

"Hey, Lance? Um, can I come in?"   
Finally, the door slid open.   
Lance stood behind the threshold, and he looked at me with the exact same expression I had. His eyes were wide and very clearly awake, and his hair was hardly ruffled. He couldn't get to sleep either. 

"What are you doing here? I thought you said that-"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to seem rude or anything, I was just tired." I bit my cheek. I was just supposed to come here and barge my way in so that he couldn't make me go back to my bedroom. But seeing him just made me blurt out everything. I had to be careful around him. "Look, can I stay here tonight?" 

Lance cast his eyes at the ground. "Why should I let you?"

"Because I know that you want me to."

The silence was deafening. Why, oh why, would I say that? It just slipped. But I guess it worked, because he invited me in, sliding the door behind us. I walked over to the mirror briskly, and sighed heavily as I glanced over my face. I was bright red, even the tips of my ears burning like a fire. 

"Soooooo," Lance muttered, taking notice of my face. He slipped into the bed.

"Soooooo." I lay on the mattress, looking up at the ceiling. "Do you wanna play a game? We're both not going to sleep anytime soon." I'd never said anything like that before. Usually I thought that games were dumb and irrelevant. Why would you play a game when you could be doing something productive? But sitting in the silence was worse. 

"Oh! Well, we can play Truths!" His eyes lit up, and he rolled onto his side, grabbing my arm and pulling me to face him. I blushed. 

"What's... truths?" 

Lance rolled his eyes extravagantly. "How do you not know what truths is? It's basically truth or dare, but without the Dare. It's fun, I promise."

"There are so many wrong things with what you said. First of all, truths is basically just spilling secrets, and that's not a game. And secondly, how do you even remember what truths is?" I said. I'd told Lance a lot over the past couple of days, but truths seemed like a very insignificant part of his life. Why would he remember that out of everything? 

Lance's eyes widened, and his face paled. But he shook his head seconds after, smiling. "You told me that the more you tell me about my life, the more I remember. So, now I remember truths. It's a big part of my life, alright?!" 

So apparently, Lance loves games.

"Okay, I'll start with an easy one. What is your biggest fear?" He said. 

"That's... that's not an easy one."   
My fears weren't normal. I didn't have a fear of spiders, or germs. I could lie about it, but this game was called truths. And it was Lance. My brain wouldn't let me lie to him. "If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone."

Lance giggled. "I don't know anyone to tell!"

I stifled a laugh, before straightening my face. "Okay. I am afraid of, um, I'm afraid of being rejected by others. I'm afraid of losing people. And I'm afraid of the water." 

"Oh. I'm sorry. Can you tell me why?" He asked solemnly. I'd never seen him look so serious. 

"My mum left me when I was a kid. So did my dad. I guess that took a bit if a toll on me. Okay, not a bit, a lot. Now I just... push people away before they leave me. That way I can't feel upset when someone doesn't want to be apart of my life. And the water thing? I hate swimming, and water equals drowning. I have nothing else to say on the matter." 

Lance took my hand, and squeezed it. He blushed just as I did. "Well, if it's any comfort, I'm not going to leave you. I can't anyway, I'm stuck in space; there's nowhere else to go. Also, how do you not like the water? Its the thing I miss most about earth. Along with my family, of course."   
I tensed, and pulled my hand away. Family. Something I wished I had. 

Lance noticed my awkwardness, and changed the subject. "Now you ask me one! Don't make it too hard." 

"What am I supposed to ask you? You won't remember anything at all."

Lance groaned. "Oh yeah. It doesn't matter though - if I don't remember it, then I'll get you to ask me another question." 

Right. What would be an interesting thing to ask Lance?  
"Have you lost your virginity?" 

Lance squinted his eyes, then his face lit up in excitement. "I remember! It's kinda fuzzy, but I have. It wasn't that big of a moment, though.

I shook my head in disbelief. "No. Who to?" 

"This one guy I met outside of the Garrison. It was summer holidays, and I met him at the beach. I don't know what happened - we just ended up in a hotel room and I didn't think much of it. It was just a one night stand, so it doesn't amount to anything."

I sat up almost instantly. Lance was... gay? No, he flirted with Allura, and Nyma, and... 

Oh my Lord. Lance was bi.

"I didn't know you were..."

Lance took in a sharp breath. "Bi? Dude, literally everyone knows. I thought I made it pretty obvious." 

"Oh. Sorry, my head must've been in the clouds. Anyway, that's really cool, man... Wow, I'm so oblivious."   
Lance liked guys. So, he could actually like me. Like that. No, Kogane. Don't get your hopes up. 

"So, so oblivious," Lance murmured quietly. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Was he feeling alright? 

"Nothing, nothing. Why don't we get back to the game? It's my turn to ask you something anyway. Okay, have you ever had a crush on someone?" 

I didn't even have to think twice. "Of course I have."

"Who?"

"I can't tell you that. You know I can't." 

Lance rolled his eyes, biting his nails. "Fine, but I'm going to ask you another one cuz that was a half response. Do you, Kogane, like..."

"Yeah?" Lance's face turned a dark shade of red, and his eyes flitted about the room, focusing on anything but me.

"Do you like boys? I mean, and girls too, but specifically, do you like guys? I'm not asking for me, this is just a general question, since I just told you I'm Bi, but not because I want to like, date you or anything, but still...?"

I hadn't expected this. I officially hate games. Because they make you spill secrets which you wanted to keep a secret. That's the whole fucking point of a secret. I didn't even know if I was gay, and of course, because the universe hates me, Lance had to ask that particular question. This same question plagued my thoughts at night, but I could never give an answer. I just knew I liked Lance. As more than a friend. I've liked other guys before. Including Rollo. I... might be gay. 

Oh my Lord, I might be gay.

"Um. I guess so. It's all pretty new to me, so I don't really know, but, yeah. I like guys."

Lance nodded. "Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool, nice. Coolio." He smiled lobsidedly, and turned off the main light without warning. "I'm tired now. I think we should get some sleep."

"Listen, if you feel awkward about us being in the same bed, I can sleep on the floor. I just didn't want to be alone in my room-" 

Lance shook his head. "No! Really, it's fine. Just, get some sleep. You look like a zombie. With a mullet. A really sad, 80s mullet."

"My hair is perfect and you know it, McClain!"

He giggled, and pulled some of the duvet over him. "Good night Keith. And this time, when you wake up, don't try and murder me. I like being alive, thanks."

I smiled in the dark, wishing I could just hug him. What was this boy doing to me? 


	11. Nilov (Part 1)

Third person cuz we really do be switching this up a bit:

"Does anyone know where the hell we're going?"Pidge yelled through the intercom, weaving her large, green lion through floating rocks and metal waste. They'd been floating through space for a couple of days now, flying from planet to planet to find where the Yeounal had come from. The rest of the team flew beside her in an awkward formation. It was funny; they'd never flown without Keith or Lance with them. They knew that they would be useless in an attack against the Galra, since they couldn't form Voltron, but if they'd stayed in the castle, then there was always the problem of Lance seeing them. So, this was the only viable option. 

"Pidge, Language. And no, I don't know. We really should've planned this beforehand."  
Shiro said, reprimanding Pidge. Space Dad did not allow anyone to mutter any profanities. 

Allura clutched onto Shiro's seat. "Well, who do we suspect poisoned Lance?" 

"First we have to find out where they got it from. Yeounal is supposed to have gone extinct thousands of 'years' ago. Has someone been keeping stash? Nothing but a Webbercracker could be storing it for that long," Coran asked. He sat cross-legged on the floor of the yellow lion.

Allura groaned. "We've been having this conversation for hours, Coran. We know how much a Webbercracker can store. A lot."

"Pidge, you think you can scan this galaxy for traces of Yeo... Yeounelly? Whatever it is, maybe scan for it within the next galaxy too. And the next one." Hunk sighed. He just wanted to be back in the Castle of Lions, eating food goo and lounging on the couch.

"I don't think I can, I know I can." The green lion opened a small cylinder in the control pad, and Pidge pushed her bayard into it. Seconds later, an immense, grey transmitter formed on the back of Green, and large, red sound waves echoed into the black curtain of space. All was silent for a while, until a high pitched, unbearable beeping suddenly emerged from her lion. 

"Sorry about that guys! It's a good sign though. It shows a planet nearby called Nilov that contains masses of this Yeounal thing inside its core. I feel as though we've been there before, the name rings a bell. It won't take too long to get there - I think that's where the Galra may have gotten it from."

The paladins sighed, relieved that they had finally found a place to start. Shiro spoke first, gripping his thrusters.   
"Pidge, is there any sign of life on it?"

"Yes, yes there is. Not a lot; they might just be passerby's." Her voice came crackling through the mic.

"We just have to be careful, and make sure that we don't run into anything hostile there. Pidge, send us a route of the planet. Let's go, Team!"

Hunk snorted. "You mean, half a team." 

"No, no. We are all still a team, despite Lance and Keith not being here. I wonder how they're getting on..." 

Allura frowned, clasping onto the head rest even tighter as Shiro sped up his Lion. "We could contact Keith, right? It won't be a problem unless Lance somehow picks up. Pidge, you can contact Keith from this far out, no?" 

Pidge moaned, slamming her head back against her backboard. "Will any of you ever stop asking questions, like please, can a girl get some rest for once?" 

The silence that ensued was heavy, and Shiro was biting his tongue to stop himself from telling her off sharply. 

"But yes, I can call him from here." 

Allura giggled nervously. "Ah yes, thank you Pidge." She paused, rethinking her next words. "Now, if you please, would it be possible for you to maybe please broadcast it to the rest of us? Please?" 

"Yes, yes, now you can stop sucking up to me... sorry, it's been a long day and I just want to go on my computer. This is more important though. We need to find out who did this to Lance."

Hunk sighed, the relief in his voice almost visible. "Thank God, I need to know how Lance is doing. I still can't believe that we allowed Keith to stay with him. If I'm being honest, he's probably being murdered him by now."

Coran chuckled. "Something tells me that they're getting on just fine."

The paladin of the green lion pressed her fingers on the broadcasting button so everyone in their respective lions could hear the conversation, then tapped her helmet and activated the intercom.   
"Hello, Keith, this is Pidge. Do you copy?" 

Nothing. 

"I said, hello? Do you copy?"

"I feel like he's not gonna pick up. Just a slight feeling." Hunk pointed out. 

Pidge tried once more, frustrated. She had not asked for a full blown investigation; all she cared about at the moment was, of course, making sure that Lance was okay, and that her laptop was too. 

"Keith, you asswipe, I swear that if you don't pick up right now, I'm gonna murder your as-" 

_"Pidge? What the fuck? Calm down, I'm here now."_

"Language!" Shiro shouted. 

"Sorry! Anyway, what took you so long to pick up?"

_"Lance was asleep, so I had to be quiet and get my mic from my room."_ He dead panned.

Pidge shook her head. "But if it's in your room, how would you know that Lance is asleep? Where were you?"

_"I was... uh...you know... I was still in my room of course, but I had to get up and get it from the other side of my room. Yeah."_

Hunk snickered, raising his eyebrows. Sure he was, he thought. Sure he was. 

"Okay, whatever. That's not what we called you for. We wanted to ask if everything is going okay with Lance?"

Keith stopped talking for a second, calibrating his response. _"Its going okay, actually. He's been a bit weird at times but-"_

"Of course he'd act weird, he's lost his memory!" Coran said, giggling at his own joke. "But seriously, what do you mean by weird?"

_"Well, sometimes he acts like himself. Like he tries to argue back at something I say, then he looks all scared like he's done something wrong. Is that normal?"_

Coran curled his moustache with his index finger. "Not really, no. He should only be acting like that near the end of the week. That's when you usually know whether he's nearly back to normal or not. But I guess that can be overlooked. Is there anything else?"

Keith sighed, biting his nails. The chewing was heard through the headphones, and the sound was uncomfortable in their ears. Keith only ever bit his nails when something was wrong.

_"Okay well, I did something. It's not good, but you can't be mad. So, I kinda forgot about the whole not speaking to Lance about other people, and I ended up telling him about his whole family. He was fine though. He didn't seem to be in pain. He looked happy, now that I think about it."_

Coran gasped, and clutched his heart. 

"Is that bad? Tell me that's not bad," Hunk said worriedly. 

"Yes it is bad! When Lance remembers enough about his life, his mind will automatically fill in the gaps for him. It's so he doesn't get overwhelmed - only he knows how much information he can take in, so his brain starts to recall memories with other people in it, but takes it at a pace at which Lance is comfortable with. I mean, a human can barely remember a person's name after the first time they meet them! Now, Lance has completely lost his memory, apart from the basics, like reading and writing. Just his memories. He won't be able to take in other people without mixing up the names, or interchanging his memories with theirs. It's too much! Keith, even a Cornercruer could do better than you at this." 

Hunk exhaled deeply. "Oh, so it is bad." 

_"Guys, Lance did even address the fact that he felt fine when I told him. Which is why I'm telling you this now - he's acting weird. Weird as in, he's not acting how he's supposed to be." Keith snapped, irritated. He wanted to get this over with, and get back to Lance. Not that he'd ever admit it to anyone. At least he was getting answers._

"You're right, you're right. Maybe something isn't normal. I'll look into it a bit more, but until then, keep doing what you're doing. Actually, no, do the opposite."

Keith laughed, then cleared his throat, trying to erase the smile forming on his lips. _"Okay, thanks guys. It's nice to hear voices which aren't Lance's."_

"Bye Keith!" Pidge grinned as she let the rest of the team voice their goodbyes. After ending the call, Hunk gulped. 

"I hope they last another day. I doubt it, though.'

"Don't worry, like Coran said, I believe that they'll be okay. Now, we've got to focus on finding the poison perpetrator." Shiro said. The paladins and their lions made a final push toward their destination. "Ooooh, poison perpetrator. That has a nice ring to it."


	12. The Calm Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT hAPPENED

Keith's POV: ⚠️Vomit Warning⚠️

Lance smiled toothlessly, breathing slowly and heavily beside me. He was uncomfortably close, but I didn't care. His nose was almost brushing my own, and the heat of the room made his dark, brown hair stick to his head, but it was kind of cute. Yeah. I could finally admit that without feeling a slight cringe in my stomach. After Pidge had contacted me, the only place I wanted to be was with Lance. I knew something was off about him, and the way he was acting, but I just ignored it. All I wanted to do was stay like this, silent, and staring into his eyes longingly. I knew for a fact that I looked like a hopeless romantic, an idiot who had too many emotions, but they were so blue, and glinted with excitement and energy every so often. I could gaze at them for hours and not know that I was. 

Yet behind this facade that Lance liked to put up, there was a raging sea which he hoped no one would notice. Choppy, fierce waves running rampage in those azure eyes. It made them feel more real. More like a person than the cardboard cutout Lance had become because of the Yeounal. He didn't look confused, or scared, or worried at all. He looked warm, and content. He shouldn't be like this, my brain blared warning alarms in my ears, but I ignored them. I didn't want to think about anything else. 

"I don't want to get up today. I just want to stay here. And chat," Lance said, giggling sweetly. The sound was a punch to my stomach. He has to stop doing that or I'll go crazy. He pulled some of his duvet over him, and fluttered his eyes. It was like he was doing this on purpose. 

"Yeah, but I'm hungry. And I don't want to talk. There's nothing to talk about." My words sounded bittersweet - I wanted to talk to him about everything. 

Wow, I really was a goner. In the space of a couple of days, I had gone from denying my feelings for Lance to a gay panic. It didn't help that he pouted his lips, feigning irritation. At this point he was basically asking for it. 

"Well, we can talk about what happened in the Red Lion's cockpit."

"No." It's too soon. My heart would break into tiny, little broken pieces if I had to confront that embarrasing moment. 

Lance rolled his eyes, then grinned. "Okay, then tell me something interesting we've been through before. Like, in the Garrison." 

"How do you even remember the Garrison? I didn't tell you about it."

"I don't know. My brain just remembered." Lance laughed nervously, looking down at his long, elegant fingers. I guess that made sense after what Coran told me. I shouldn't be so paranoid about how he was being. So why did I still feel so uneasy? I'd gotten everything I'd wanted. Lying with Lance, chatting, him smiling when I said something funny. But I still didn't have him. He still didn't want me like I wanted him. 

"Okay, well there is this one story, but you have to promise not to laugh. It's actually really traumatizing." 

His face fell. "Oh. I'm sorry. Was it really bad?"

"Oh, no, no!" I said, shaking my head vigorously. "Not that kind of traumatizing... but like, humiliating."

"Ah, I get it." Lance smirked, and snuggled up a bit closer to me, his cheeks turning pink. What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the did Lance think he was doing?

I tried to act as though I didn't care that we were snuggling. Like it was a normal thing for us to do. The blush in my cheeks was incredibly visible, but I attempted to contain it from spreading to the rest of my face.

It didn't work.

"Okay, so this happened aaaaages ago." 

A small smile formed on my lips as I remembered it, the memory flashing in front of my eyes. 

****************FlashBack****************

First Year at The Garrison: 

Shiro thought this would be good for me. A way to 'express my talents while learning discipline.' I didn't have any particular opinion about the Galaxy Garrison, or flying fighter class planes. Yeah, it sounded cool and all, but it wasn't my dream to become a pilot. I hardly knew what I wanted in life, but I went along anyway, knowing that if I didn't attend this institution I'd be stuck in that mediocre school at the edge of the desert for the rest of my education. 

"Here's your dorm room. You have a couple of roommates, so be nice." 

"Is that really necessary?"

Shiro raised his eyebrows before placing two fingers on the bridge of his nose. "Yes, Keith. I don't want to be getting calls from Commander Iverson that you're not being respectful."  
I groaned, chucking my suitcases onto the closest bed to the window. It was a stainless, pure white, and the pillows were plush and soft. Much better than what I was used to. 

"Tonight, there's a welcome party for the new cadets. It starts at about 7pm, and I expect you to be there. It's an opportunity to make new friends."  
Seriously. A party. A welcome party. Lame. And meeting people? That was even worse. 

"You won't know if I don't go. So I'm not going to. Can't I just stay in here?"

Shiro placed a hand on my shoulder, sighing deeply. "I... I hired officers to make sure you were there. And you can't protest! I just want to make sure you don't mess this up. I believe in you, and you've got real talent, but I need you to take part. That includes making friends."   
I wanted him to be proud of me. I wanted him to look at me and not see a broken, alone boy with disciplinary issues. And seeing his face, plastered with so much hope for me, I caved. 

Which is how I'd found myself standing in the middle of the welcome party hall, the blinding lights flashing sporadically across the room. On the side of the room stood a large banquet, a jug of punch and small appetizers displayed on a mahogany table in a very decorative manner. It was like the dumb end of year disco's they held at middle school. 

You could say I was a little under dressed, with my trademark red and white zip up, a black t-shirt and skinny, grey jeans. Everyone else seemed to be wearing some sort of fancy outfit, a suit and tie or a floorlengthed ballgown. I didn't think people would care very much about this. 

Bored and rolling my eyes exaggeratedly, I took myself to the food, picking on the little sweets and bags of candyfloss. I had to talk to people, but the social anxiety was stopping me from even making eye contact with anyone. Cowering in the corner, alone, was what I wanted. But apparently, someone did not know what personal space meant. 

"Hi! What's your name? I'm a cadet too, so we'll probably be in the same classes. Cool, right?" A tall, lanky boy walked up to me, bumping my shoulder and smiling widely, showing all of his teeth. He was dark, yet flushed in the light, clearly from lots of dancing and screaming. Widening his eyes, he awaited my response, eating the mini chocolates in the glass bowl. 

"My name's Keith." What could I say next? That I don't want to talk to him? That I just want to eat in silence? "Um, what's your...name?" 

"The name's Lance. Nice to meet you! We could be friends, if you wanted. We all need to stick together, if we want to get out of here alive," Lance joked, a twix bar stuffed into his mouth. He seemed nice enough, but I didn't want friends. They just got in the way, or they'd leave me because they wouldn't like me. Besides, I'd never had a friend, friend before. Yknow, someone who talked to me because they wanted to, and not just because they had to. So, I thought it would be better to stay on the safer side, and not try something I didn't want to get myself into.

"No."

"No?" His face fell, crestfallen. I almost felt bad, but I'd already refused his friendship. I didn't think twice about my decisions, because I was always right the first time.

"Yes, no. That's what I said. You asked if I wanted to be friends, and I'm saying no."

Lance bit his lip, as if trying to stop himself from tearing up. "You being serious? You don't even know me!"

What was I doing? I couldn't stop myself. "Yeah, that's the point." He clenched his teeth, staring angrily at me. I turned away from him, eating an eclair fully and trying not to think about how rude I just was. Shiro would be so disappointed with me, but I couldn't go back and apologise now. That was weak. I'm not weak. 

"Okay, fine. If that's how you want it to be." 

"Yes, it is."

Lance grunted, taking a step closer and towering far above me. He was so much taller than I thought he was. And... kind of intimidating when he wasn't smiling. But I wasn't scared though. I wasn't scared of anything. 

"Why you acting like you're such a big man? All tough and that?" 

I shook my head. "I'm not. I just would rather not... talk to you. At all. Ever."

"Uh huh. And why's that?" 

"I'm better than you. So I don't associate myself with anyone I don't want to." 

And there I went again, saying terrible things before thinking. I was pushing people away again. And this Lance guy didn't seem too bad, either. I was just being me again. Ugh, why did I have to act like me? 

"Okay then, if you think that you're so fantastic, then I'll challenge you to a.. challenge?" He cringed at the bad wordplay.

"Yeah, what?"

He nodded to the pile of doughnuts sitting on a golden platter. They were dripping with chocolate and covered in sprinkles of all colours of the rainbow. I bit my tongue. I already felt nauseous from all of the sweets I had been eating beforehand. 

"Whoever eats the most doughnuts wins. And if you throw up, you lose." Lance and I walked over to them, and grimaced slightly  
We were both going to be sick, and he knew it. But I figured he was the type of person who wouldn't back down from a challenge. Unfortunately, so was I.

"Fine, then. But what's in it for me if I win?" 

Lance paused, stopped in his tracks. "We'll... we'll figure it out when we get there. It doesn't matter anyway, 'cuz you won't win." I shrugged, and picked up one the doughnuts. He mirrored my action. "Okay. 3, 2, 1, EAT!" 

The first doughnut that entered my mouth was glorious. It was soft in the middle, and the chocolate was so rich, and sugary. But then the second one tasted sickly, and pulled at my stomach. And so did the third. And fourth. And fifth.  
By this time, most of the party was watching, cheering mostly Lance on, or screaming for us to eat faster. I saw out of the corner of my eye, two kids placing bets on us. There was still a massive tower of doughnuts left, and both Lance and I looked at it desperately, as if wishing it to suddenly disappear so we wouldn't have to eat anymore. But I wasn't going to lose this, even if it made me sick.

All of a sudden, Lance put down his half eaten ring from his mouth onto the table. He was forfeiting! I smiled indignantly at him, but he didn't frown, or pout, or shout angrily at the fact that he had lost. He just stared at me with wide, terrified eyes, and...

threw up. All over the table and the rest of the food, all around the floor next to his feet and all over my shoes. I didn't notice what was happening in time, because all I felt was me bending over, and vomiting with him. Everyone screamed, but I could barely hear them. The officers watching over us had run over to the table, pulling us away from the spoilt banquet and led us down a blindingly white corridor outside of the hall. I looked over to the side of me and Lance scowled, wiping his mouth and clutching his stomach.

"I won." He said weakly, before glancing at my shoes grimly. 

My combat boots, my favourite, were ruined. All because of him. And at that very moment, I knew, that I would never, ever, be friends with that boy. 

Ever. 

**************Present Time***************

"St-Stop! You're... You're being s-serious, right?!" Lance giggled, snorting and shaking with laughter. 

"Yup. After that, we were taking to the principal, and we both got detention for defiling the school food." I rolled over, chuckling so hard that my stomach ached. 

"I'm so sorry, I can't believe I did that!"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, neither did I." 

"You deserved it though. You were such a prick in the Garrison." He said, punching my arm. I mean, he wasn't wrong. 

"Thank you for stating the obvious, Lance." 

"No problem, man. I'm... getting kind of tired, though. Laughing takes its toll on me."

"It's the morning."

"Not that we could even notice. It looks the same outside as it did 5 hours ago." Lance buried himself into the mattress, his shoulders dropping significantly. Despite his lion having the power of ice, I could feel the heat emanating from him, his breath hot against my neck. His eyes closed halfway and he went still, but I knew he wasn't fully asleep. His eyes, his angular jawline, his caramel, sleek skin and long eyelashes. Everything about him was so... perfect. So eerily perfect. As though he wasn't a real person. No one had ever made me feel like this before. I hated it, so much. This wasn't like me. I didn't fall in love. I'd never fallen in love. It was dumb, and cliche, and was so corny. Yet somehow, I'd found myself staring hopelessly at Lance McClain, my sworn enemy. 

Lance opened his eyes seconds later, and the corner of his lips turned upwards. By this time, our noses were almost touching, and the blood rushing to our cheeks, but I couldn't say anything. My heart ached for him. It hurt so bad. Who said that love would be so hard? 

"Uh, hey," he said, staring up at me. He bit his lip. My joggers were sticking to my legs, and my head pounded.

"H-hi." I could feel myself leaning in, and I didn't know why because my gut was telling me to do it but my brain was yelling at me to stop and my heart was beating out of my chest and I tried to calm myself down because Shiro told me that patience yields focus but I couldn't-

And then nothing else mattered.

Because he kissed me. 

A soft, fleeting kiss which I barely registered until seconds after it happened. Sweet, and short, yet I could feel the longing as he brushed my lips gently with his own. The world stopped moving, everything floating in slow motion around me. There was only one thing I could focus on. One person who had made my head swirl and my stomach churn.

Lance. 

And for that moment, a small second, our gaze was transfixed on one another, never looking away. He exhaled, blinking rapidly.

"So... breakfast?"


	13. I Should've Stayed In Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay so everything has gone to crap

* * *

Lance's POV:

_Don't do it don't do it don't do it don't do it_ , was what the rational part of my head screamed to me. If I let myself go along with this, my entire relationship with Keith would deteriorate; he would shut me out, never talk to me again, and look at me weirdly every time I wanted to talk to him. Voltron wouldn't be able to form because of me, and everyone would be so mad and hate me forever and then we'd lose the battle against Zarkon because of me and we'd all die and everyone's last thoughts would be, wow, I really wished Lance listened to his brain and didn't do the thing which he knew would backfire.

But I did it anyway. Because it felt... right. 

Keith had never looked so vulnerable, or without walls up to shield his real emotions. He was still Keith Kogane, but the sincere, genuine Keith. Moments like that were extremely rare. Which is why I had to cherish it. Because if I let it pass, I'd never get another opportunity again. 

And that was why I kissed him.

Hardly for a two seconds, but it still counted. He still kissed me back. Still smiled breathlessly, then blushed until his entire face turned pink.   
I felt content. Happy. Like I could stay there forever, and not leave his side. However, my room was starting to heat up incredibly, and sweat stuck my body, making me feel uncomfortable. It was easy to notice the sheer smell of the teenage hormones floating about the room. 

"So... breakfast?" 

Keith nodded, his eyes wide and focused on nothing in particular. His hands shook slightly, but hid them behind his back as he rolled out of the bed. "Yeah, sure," he croaked, his voice high and cracking with every syllable. He cleared his throat. "I mean, yeah." 

I smiled weakly and stood up, still trying to organize my thoughts. Keith half heartedly brushed his inky, black hair with his fingers, glancing hurriedly at my mirror. Instantaneously, he grimaced, trying to rub off the sleep goo in his eyes. 

"Dude. You look fine. Better than fi- you look fine." I cast my eyes down, trying not to blush. I needed a filter for my mouth. Was there anywhere in Space I could get that? Maybe the mall Coran took us to. Seemed like the place which would sell a device that stopped you from saying embarrasing things to your crush.

He made a strange, sputtering noise at the bottom of his throat.   
"Ugh, thanks? I don't- thanks."

The tension between us hung in the air, and I couldn't do anything to abolish it. My usual charm and flair has disappeared, hidden away in a small corner of my mind. Since this debacle began, I had been so much more up front with Keith. Held hands with him, slept with him (okay not like that you know it's not like that), and I'd even gone on some sort of twisted date with him which couldn't officially be called a date. But my tongue tied as I looked at him now, with his stupidly cute mullet and his violet, dark eyes and his-

"Are you... okay? Is there something on my face? Why are you staring...?" 

Aaaaaaaaand I was staring. Really got to stop doing that.

"Oh, um, no. Let's just...go eat something." 

Keith scrunched his nose, and shook his head, opening the door for me. I grinned, trying to dispel any tense feelings. Maybe, just maybe, the kiss had ruined our dynamic. But that may have not been the case. Kind of. Probably.

We walked down the corridor in silence for what felt like years. There was about 2 metres between us, like we were infected with some sort of virus and did not want to get close to eachother. Keith kept his head down, his hands inside his pockets. He looked upset, disoriented. 

And I didn't like that look.

I wouldn't listen to my brain as it yelled at me to stop. And I definitely wasn't thinking logically when I held out my hand.

For him to hold. 

I'd done it multiple times before, but this felt different. As though it would mean so much more. His eyes snapped up to look at my palm, then up at me, then back again. Terror etched onto his face. He tried to hide it, but it was there, as clear as Clear Day. Embarrased, my arm fell limp against my side, trying to disguise my hurt.

"Oh....I, ugh, um... I'm sorry, I just... what?" He managed to stammer, eventually standing still. His eyes wouldn't meet with mine. 

"No, no, I'm being silly. That was... too far. Just a... joke? I don't even..." 

Smooth, McClain, I thought, kicking myself mentally. So, so smooth. 

We stood in the silence, occasionally looking up, or chewing and biting our lips. This was the most uncomfortable, awkward, and embarrasing situation I had ever found myself in. And in my second year at the Garrison, I had accidently called one of the instructors Mum in registration. Yeah, I believed this was worse than that. Keith sighed, and held his head in his hands before glaring at me. 

"Why?" he asked, grinding his teeth together. I cringed, hating the noise it made.

"Why what?"

He sighed deeply. "Why did you kiss me? Why do you want to hold my hand? Why do you willingly get so close to me all the time? Just, why?" The pain in his eyes was unmistakable. 

I had sort of expected this to happen. Somewhere along the line, he would get sick of all the affection and just burst. My actions nearly always went unreciprocated. But he never seemed to mind. If he did, he would've immediately pulled himself away. Right?

I should've been prepared for this. Keith was only putting up with me because of the Yeounal. He didn't know I was really okay. He just felt bad for me.   
So everything we'd done really meant nothing. After this all blew over, no more hugs, or holding hands, or actually tolerating eachother. It would be like before, but possibly with a sprinkle of awkwardness and a drop of humiliation. 

"I'm sorry. What do you mean?" I asked, pretending not to understand. That could go either two ways - him taking mercy on me, or being extremely annoyed.

Keith threw his hands up in frustration.

Right. So the second one.

"You know exactly what I mean. You're not usually this touchy. What is this, a prank? You're just messing with me. Like... like the kiss..." He flushed a dark shade of red. 

"I don't know what to say." It was true. I couldn't just tell him my feelings. But I couldn't pretend that it was nothing. I ran through any possible ways I could back out of this, but I was cornered. No other exit."I guess it was... a spur of the moment thing?" 

Keith scoffed, raising his eyebrows and shaking his head. "You expect me to believe this? You wouldn't just do that because it was a spur of the moment. I- you're messing with my feelings, you know?!" He lowered his voice, desperation raising in his tone. "Why are you doing this to me?" 

He was getting flustered now, his hands clenched into fists. I wanted to console him, but getting close was almost dangerous at this point.

"I'm not trying to mess with your- wait." Suddenly, the air turned cold. "Your...your feelings?" 

"No. No I didn't mean to say that. I-" Keith muttered incoherently, his eyes darting to look at anything but me.

I stepped closer, still trying to keep my distance. Did he mean it? Did he even have emotions?   
My heart craved for him, and maybe now I would finally get the satisfaction. 

"Keith. What... feelings?" There was a chance that I was overreacting, presuming that he saw me as more than just a friend, when that really was not the case. I was getting ahead of myself. Maybe, I should've just stayed in bed next to Keith, where everything was warm and fuzzy. 

"My feelings for... for food?"

I groaned. "Dude, I'm being serious!"

"Fine. Okay. But you do know that there's a fifty percent chance that you won't remember anything I say to you now, right? Besides, I'll probably just make things worse." 

This kid really liked to make my life hard, didn't he? I exhaled audibly and trudged up to him, towering over him incredibly. I'd never realized just how short he was. He was so mini, and petite. How sweet. "If you don't tell me what it is, I'll kiss you again, and I know you don't want that." 

He blushed, and gulped. "I wouldn't, exactly, mind, exactly." 

I fell backwards. "What are you trying to say?" 

Keith gritted his teeth. He ran his hands through his hair. "I don't hate you." 

"Is that it?" I tensed. I was wishing for more. Like usual, I was being pedantic and keeping my hopes up, only for them to be discarded.

"No. It's...there's more." He closed his eyes, as if trying to visualise how this would pan out. "I... might..."

My stomach fluttered. "If you're nervous, just picture me naked." I tried to lighten the mood, but Keith looked anything but entertained.

"That doesn't help. Like, at all! Because, because," Keith dug his nails into his arm. The marks were deep and red against his pale skin. "I.. I like you. Like, more than a nemesis. And more than a friend. I'll be honest, I don't even know what's beyond that threshold. But I know I like you and I'm starting to regret telling you but I'm only saying this because there is no way you'll rememb-" 

The rest of his mindless rambling faded away as every single cell in my body screamed, and my blood boiled. But it hardly bothered me, because Keith liked me. After the pain, pining and heartache, I finally knew that the feelings were mutual. It felt as though I was still sleeping, and living in a perfect, nonsensical dream. But this was real. I was here, standing in front of my rival as he confessed to me. And did it feel good. Better than good. 

I closed the gap between us, placing my forehead on his cautiously. He inhaled quickly, his lips parting slightly. The simple fact that he didn't protest or shove me away made my heart jump excitedly. 

"You're serious?"I whispered. 

He quirked an eyebrow slightly. "No, I was just messing with you. You know, spur of the moment thing."

"Oh, shut up." 

We smiled, his eyes brightening. This was what I wanted.

And so did he. 

I gradually leaned in and locked lips with his. It felt electric, like he'd shocked me with a simple touch. My hands ran down his arched back as he pushed himself against me. My heart warmed. The kiss felt passionate, overwhelming, and I wanted more. It made me feel special, like nothing else mattered, because I was kissing Keith. The emo, MCR fanatic who I'd sworn to hate for the rest of my life.

I lost track of time until I was brought back to my senses when Keith pulled away, panting slowly. He bit his lip, staring at my own intensely. "Oh my God. What the fuck just happened?"

I clasped his hands as he blinked in confusion, grinning. "I just made out with your stupid mullet." 

Keith frowned, warning me not to push any further, but not before I caught sight of a flash of amusement on his face. "Normal Lance would definitely not have..."

"Canoodled you?" I smirked.

"Yes. No. I mean, never say that word again." The flushed boy rested a hand on his hip and prodded my arm, his head leaning to the right. "Are you feeling any better? I don't know, you just seem more... normal." 

"Yeah. Um, I feel better. Better now that I'm with you." I steered the conversation away from my welfare. I didn't want him worrying about me. Especially now, of all times.

"Okay, look, this must have been fun for you, and maybe... maybe me too...but we can't tell anyone about this. Anyone. You understand me?" 

I nodded vigorously. It was too early for anyone to find out. We didn't even know what we were. What this relationship could be labelled as. "Yeah, no, of course. I can't imagine what Pidge would say. To be honest, I think she already knew before I did."

"What?"

"I mean, I think she knew that I... liked you before I came to terms with my... emotions. Funny, huh?"

Suddenly, Keith's face lost all sign of life. He took a step back, eyes darting down my figure. What was that written across his face? Fear? Dread?  
I walked towards him again, softening my gaze and giving him a minor smile. I wrung my hands together, nervous that I'd made him feel uncomfortable. Great Lance, look what you've done. Ruined it, like you always do. Two seconds and Keith can't stand you already. That must be a new record. Well done. I tried to block out the voice murmuring in my ear before it corrupted my thoughts. 

"Hey, Keith. Are you okay?" I asked, my hands hidden in my pockets. He scowled. "You... you do know that I like you, right? A lot. Really, I do! I'm sorry if I didn't make it obvious enough before, but I've liked you for a while now. Is that what you're... worried about?"

Saying that now, I wasn't embarrased, or nervous. I felt a bout of joy in my heart. But Keith didn't look like he agreed. He clutched a clump of his hair, staring at the ceiling and tapping his foot furiously. I knew he only did that when he was stressed. What could he possibly be stressed about?

"So why are you lying to me then?"

I felt blood rush to my head. "Uh... what?" 

The light in the hallway dimmed in my eyes, yet Keith's face was still as bright as ever. It made my head pound, like a flashlight was being shone directly in my eye. His chest was heaving far too fast for comfort, cheeks pale and clammy, eyes glossed over like a Victorian doll. 

"You... you...how did I not see this coming!" Keith slammed his fists against the wall, looking incredibly close to punching me. 

"Listen, just, please listen Keith! What are you talking about?" I tried to get closer to him, but he flinched, jumping backwards, staring at me like a deer in the headlights. My chest tightened, head reeling. No. No. This was not meant to-

"Everything makes sense now. Why sometimes you would act like yourself again, but then seconds later you'd look guilty, and upset. Why I got suspicious of how you suddenly remembered things I hadn't told you. When I mentioned your family, and you didn't seem to be affected by it. Blue didn't open up, because she knew. In my lion, you told me how you'd always wanted to be friends, but how would you remember that? And... Pidge. I've never mentioned Pidge before. Coran even knew you were being weird, and he wasn't here! Lance. What the hell have you been doing?"

A falling sensation overcame me.

He knew.

And this time, there was nothing I could say to set this right. 

"I wasn't exactly... truthful with you, but I have a reason for all of this! I'm just trying to be with you - Can we just sit down and talk about this, please-" 

Keith shook all over, horrified." _No_! This whole time you got me to _care_ for you! To actually believe that you needed help, and-and I was dumb enough to play along with it! You fucking _psycho_." He yelled at me, his eyes bloodshot. 

This was everything I wanted to avoid. All I'd tried to stay away from for the past few days. I could feel the tears pricking at the back of my eyes, threatening to trail down my face.

"K-KEITH! You know I didn't do this to hurt you, I- I really, really like you! This- Can you just give me a second to explain! Please?"   
My vision was starting to disfigure as he slowly turned away. Shock painted on his face.

"So all of this was fake. I was right. And just as I thought that... that we were getting somewhere. That I was..." He whispered his last words to himself, but I could just about make out the silent, painful words. "That I was _falling_ for you. I can't believe myself."

I never intended for it to end this way. _Lance, you idiot. You knew the risks. What's fucking wrong with you? Psycho. Dumbass. Idiot. Why would you do this? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

"I never meant to hurt you, you know I didn't-" By this time, full droplets were streaming from my eyes. I told myself not to cry, but it was too late for that now. I did this for Keith, to be with him, and now, I was more alone than when I'd began.

The stricken boy held out his hand, ordering me not to take another step."Stay. Away. You _manipulated_ me, and...and _toyed_ with me. And for what? For _fun_? So you cou-could finally have your long-awaited victory over me, and flaunt this in my face when it was all over? The rest of the team are out there _saving your ass_ and putting themselves in danger. For you. I just- why? Why would you...? You know what, it doesn't even matter. I don't care. Why should I?" 

He took one last desperate look at me before sprinting down the hall and into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. A small painting fell crookedly from the wall. 

I didn't try to call for him, or apologise. The damage had already been done.

And I had no idea how to fix it.


	14. Nilov (Part 2)

Third Person POV:

Quiet. That was the only word that could be used to describe the desolate planet of Nilov. The land was sparse, with little tufts of grass sprouting from the grey, hardened mud.  
Hunk took off his helmet and bit his nails, nervous. "Pidge, are you sure this isn't a dead planet? I don't see anyone for miles."   
It was like a dark, morbid desert; the sky caliginous and no sign of life presented itself to the Paladins. 

"Okay, maybe we should just... start walking in one direction. Everyone be on alert for any movement. We need to be on our guard." Shiro commanded, and in response, the team pulled out their bayards, with Coran and Allura wielding Altean Blades. In truth, Coran knew very little about close combat, but he had fought a Wellumsnort before, so he thought that this wouldn't be much different.

"I thought there were signs of life here. So why does it look like no one has visited this place for Deca-phoebs?" Allura asked, plucking an almost dead flower from the ground. It disintegrated in her hands. 

"I don't know. Maybe we could shout - HELLOOOoooo! Paladins of Voltron here, at your service!" 

Pidge smirked, a glint of amusement in her eye. "Hunk, that's a really bad idea, considering that there may be Galra around." She squinted and squatted, inspecting the floor. 

"Pidge, what are you doing?" Coran copied her, rubbing his chin and twirling his trademark moustache intelligently. 

Suddenly, the land trembled as the smaller girl jumped repeatedly, making the dirt fall apart. "If - I just - jump hard - enough - then the - ground should- aaarrGHHHHH!!!" 

Suddenly, the planet shuddered, and the mud gave way, revealing a large hole in the ground. The group yelled, scrambling from the floor and trying to stay above ground. "WHAT. IS. HAPPENING. PIDGE? WHAT DID YOU DO?" Hunk screamed, watching as Allura and Shiro fell into the void, petrified. 

"Hunk, relax and let it happen. Fall into the hole, dude!" 

******************************************

Hunk woke up seconds, no, minutes, no, it must have been hours later, with a blinding headache, and an aching back. He imagined that each bone in his body had broken. 

It was always a possibility. 

There was a bright light in front of him, he could see it enveloping him, the end was near...

"Hey, man, get up. We're okay." Shiro's voice echoed in Hunk's ear. 

"I... are you in heaven too? Cuz it's so... so bright in here!" 

With a groan from someone in the near vicinity (ish, Hunk wasn't too sure), he was pulled from the floor, and his eyes were pried open with two long, sharp nails. Allura bent over him, a look of confusion on her face as she stared at Hunk's dazed expression.   
He looked past her, and saw a large,  
stone wall, splashes of every colour of the rainbow painted onto it. The room was extremely bright, a great golden chandelier above his head. This didn't seem much like heaven, so maybe it was Limbo. Either way, he thought it was extremely suss that all of the Paladins had landed in the same place in the afterlife.

"Hunk, we are not in heaven. We're in Nilov. Literally, we're inside this planet. On the surface, the ground was too broken, and with the gravity pushing down, I was certain that there was a place where we would walk over and be able to go down. So I jumped, and got us here. Cool, right?" Pidge said, brushing off the dirt stuck in her hair from the fall. 

Hunk nodded. "Ohhhhh. Okay. But what are we supposed to be doing now that we're here, then?" 

"Well, we've found some people to help us. Actually, look behind you."

Hunk spun around. 

What he saw before him was not what he had expected. 

They were like humans, but they were also not. Their legs were pale and long, slimmer than a french fry (describing things was much easier with food), eyes a glittering grey. They were graceful and arresting in a sinister way, with red, thin lips and long dark eyelashes contrasting their skin tone. The leader standing in front of the small group flicked back her silky, auburn hair, and placed her hands on her hips. 

"What are you all doing here?" She spoke softly, her voice sharp, yet also gentle. There was a slight accent in her tone, entrancing and endearing.

Allura stepped forward. "I am Princess Allura of Altea, and these are three of five Paladins of Voltron. I take it you've heard the legend of Voltron?"

"Only in mere fairytales. How are we supposed to believe you, anyway?" The woman shook a hand dismissively.

As if on cue, the lions on the surface roared, shaking the ground. "Those are the lions. You can go check them, if you want. But to save time, it would just be easier if you took our word for it." 

She paused. "Fine. But you still haven't answered my question. What are you doing here?"

Shiro crossed his arms. "Unfortunately, the Paladin of the Blue Lion was injected with a poison named Yeounal. The Red Paladin is looking after him."

"And what does that have to do with us?"

"We detected traces of Yeounal on this planet. We wondered if maybe the Galra had retrieved some from here." Pidge explained, pressing a button on her arm, and a hologram of the planet appeared. On it, red dots which symbolised the poison covered it. 

The leader shook her head. "I am Diosali, and these are my people, the Nilovians. We are few in number, but we are a peaceful species. I can assure you, the Galra were never here." She never looked at them directly, resorting to staring at the colourful wall behind them.

There was an eery silence, before one of the men behind her gasped, looking up sharply and pointing at Pidge. He glared at her, speaking in an accusational tone."You! You were the one who took our gem! You stole it from us! Diosali, she is the thief I told you about!" 

Pidge frowned. "Gem... Nilov... something seems familiar...." 

"We would never mean to steal something from you. Not on purpose, anyway!" Hunk held his hands up in defense. 

"Gem of... oh, what in the world was it called...?" 

"No, we saw you take it from us! That's why we-"

"Be quiet, Colyn, or they'll find out..."

"Listen, we mean you no harm..."

Breaking the chaos, Pidge yelled. "Ah ha! We've been here before, guys!"

The room silenced. 

"You remember, we came here after Green detected something, the gem, actually, but it wasn't this... dead. Something's changed here." 

Colyn, the man who had accused Pidge, growled. "The Gem of Nerosion which keeps our planet alive has been stolen. By you! Nilov cannot survive if we do not have it!"

Hunk wrung his hands together. "This is like the Balmera. If we take away the crystals, then the planet dies. But I don't remember us taking any gem of yours. I'm sorry, but you may have gotten the wrong people."

"Um... actually, I took it after Green found it." Pidge smiled sheeply, looking away from the bewildered looks coming from her friends. "I just wanted to analyse it, because it had such an interesting anatomy, and I really didn't think it would affect Nilov if I took it." 

"See, Diosali? She is the thief!" Colyn sneered, baring his perfectly whitened teeth. He looked rather like a wolf. 

Pidge huffed. "Hey! It's not like you tried to protect it or anything. It was two metres underground, and my sensors were able to pick it up almost instantly." 

"Look, if you want it back, we can give it to you. Pidge, you have it on you, right?" Shiro said, looking expectantly at her. All she did was shrug and shake her head glumly.

Diosali glanced at Colyn nervously, and beckoned for the rest of the group to sit on the forgotten seats at the edge of the walls. No one spoke for a while, instead perching tentatively at the edge of the sofa's and giving eachother suspicious stares. The Nilovians seemed to be speaking to eachother, their hands twitching ever so slightly, and sometimes, they faded into the background, the aura around them pulsing in the light. "My people and I have decided that the Gem of Nerosion is more important than anything right now. Without it, Nilov will die, along with us." 

Coran frowned. "When did you have the time to decide?"

Diosali decided to ignore him, instead batting her abnormally long eyelashes slowly. "We shall make a deal. If you give us back our gem, we will tell you what happened with your Blue... 'Paladin'.

"Its back at the castle. But we can't go there now. It isn't safe. Like we said, Lance has been injected with the Yeounal." Pidge rushed. "Just... what do you know about what happened?" 

Colyn grimaced. "Forgive me for what I'm about to say, but...."

They stilled.

"We poisoned Your Lance. Well, the effects shouldn't be working right now. We just made it so-" 

"What!" Shiro ignited his hand, the purple glow illuminating the room. He held it next to Colyn's neck, face red and eyes burning with anger. "Are you working for the Galra?! How did you get into the Castle? What do you mean the effects shouldn't be working right now? Why did you do this?"

"Calm down, please! No need to exert any violence on us. We have your answers." Diosali laughed, her voice tainted with bitterness. "First, we are not working for the Galra. We despise them. Secondly, we, as you may have seen, are the last of the Faded in the universe. This means we can fade into our surroundings. You couldn't detect us in your Castle because our mere essence had faded. We are so small in number because this is a special power. Only the Chosen are given this ability."

"But-" Hunk started.

"I am not done yet. Do not interrupt. Thirdly, the effects of Yeounal make the victim forget everything. However, we were able to dilute it. The effects of our newly made potion knock out the victim for a sizeable amount of time. And why did we do this? Because you stole the Gem of Nerosion. We thought that you may have been working with the Galra, as they have been trying to retrieve it as well. We can't see much on the surface as we live in hiding underground, but we felt the presence of the gem being taken. Usually, our planet rejects anyone who tries to steal it, but you just.. took it." 

Diosali nodded at the Paladins.  
"You were different, like the planet couldn't fight the power of your quintessence. Knowing this, we were able to track your whereabouts, and formed a plan. We would sneak onto your Castle, Colyn here would pretend to be a gladiator from the training Facility, which we found after scanning the Castle, and when the time came, we would insert the fake Yeounal into whoever was there at the time. It just happened to be Your Lance. Afterwards, we knew that you would have to leave because of the 'Yeounal', so we were supposed to use the time that you were gone to find the gem and leave. However, we had not predicted that the castle would suddenly disappear. I believe now that you used a cloaking device."

Pidge nodded.

Diosali carried on. "When you left, we couldn't find the Ship again, so we had to abandon the mission until trackers picked up any signs of it appearing again. You should know though, we did not know you were Voltron, so we believed you were on the other side of this war."

Allura sighed. How could she be so stupid and let just anyone waltz into the Castle? Her fingers clutched onto her blade.   
"I can't say I understand why you did this. You could have just asked us to give it back to you. Of course, if you thought we were with the Galra, that would have been a bad idea, but there must've been a better way to go about this." 

Diosali closed her eyes. "I know, and I am sorry. But our lives were at stake. We had to take immediate action, no matter how aggressive. If the gem is away from us for much longer, we will cease to exist. Our whole being relies on this planet."

"Funny how you called yourself a peaceful species only minutes ago, before telling us that you put poison into Lance's body, and broke into the Castle of Lions," Hunk said.

"Yes, I know, but-"

Shiro stepped away from Colyn, but he was still suspicious. "And also, if you said that you diluted the Yeounal, then why is Lance still losing his memory? He was just supposed to be knocked out, right? But Keith said that he'd forgotten his name when he first came out of the healing pod..." 

A small girl hiding at the back of the Nilovians tutted, running over to a small bookcase in the corner and rummaging through it. "My name is Lorsea, and I was the one who made the potion. I extracted the Yeounal from Nilov, and I added a substance called Hēgran in it. This was meant to cancel out the memory loss compound of the Yeounal, and instead replace it with a short coma spell. I know that I made it perfectly, because I tested it on myself. Your Lance should not have lost any memory at all." She pulled out a book larger than herself, and flicked the pages until arriving at an illustration of a man lying limp on a bed. The bold words Hēgran were written at the top of the page. 

Coran skimmed over it, then nodded in approval. "Yes, yes, I've heard of Hēgran before. Lorsea is telling the truth. But, I just don't understand why Lance isn't remembering himself, then?" 

The Paladins looked at eachother. Something wasn't right. They could feel it enclosing, like a blanket spreading itself over them, constricting them from breathing. 

Almost instantly, Diosali stood up, brushing the dust off of her black, skintight catsuit. "Look, we can sort this out. If you take us to your Castle, then you can give us the Gem, and we will find a way to get your Paladin back to normal. That is guaranteed. We wronged you, so we will do anything to make up for it." 

There was only a moment's thought needed, before Allura agreed. "Okay. But we have to be going now. We are short on time." 

Surprisingly on cue, Pidge heard a ring in her ear. She pressed the button on the side of her helmet. 

_"Hey Pidge. Its Keith."_

"Hey! Hey guys?" Pidge mouthed to the rest of the team. "It's Keith. He just called." 

"Well what's he saying?" Hunk exclaimed, running up to her. 

The Green Paladin took off her helmet, and set the intercom to speakerphone. The gathering circled themselves around her, listening eagerly to what Keith had to say. 

" _So, I have news."_ His voice was broken, tearing up with every syllable.

Shiro groaned. "What is it? Please tell me you haven't murdered Lance, we were really hoping you would hold out a little longer."

_"No." Keith scowled. "But you all need to come back right now. Because I... I know what's wrong with Lance."_


	15. Karma's a Fucking Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter took so long to come out, I had a load of schoolwork 😪 anyway hope u enjoy this chapter x it's the best I could do while sleep deprived and depressed lol 
> 
> also sorry for the title 😂 so many profanities Shiro would not approve

Keith's POV:

I felt numb. 

I knew I was aching, knew that the hurt was slowly chipping away at my heart. But I couldn't bring myself to cry, or scream. All I could do was wallow in the complex maze of my own emotions and thoughts, hiding underneath the duvet of my bed. It felt cold and stiff. For the past few days, I had stayed in Lance's room, and now that I had come back to my own, it didn't feel as warm or familiar. 

Lance.

My stomach twisted in implacable resentment, making me wince. 

I was almost happy that this had happened. That he finally told me the truth. Now, I could stop wasting my time with someone who felt that lying to me was perfectly okay.

Maybe I was overreacting. I wasn't surprised that this had happened, or anything. People walk away from me all the time. They suddenly realise what they've gotten themselves into by even _knowing_ me, and figured that I was the source of a shit ton of trouble and an inordinate inconvenience. And the depressing part was, that I had gotten used to this pathetically sad truth. It was never a surprise when cadets from the Garrison, or even my own parents walked out on me. It was... expected. So, to protect myself from getting let down time and time again, I told myself I didn't need anyone. I was better by myself, where no one could hurt me, or tell me that I was a nuisance right to my face.

But with Lance? I couldn't _help_ but drop the barriers which I had kept up for years for him, letting him intoxicate me with his elusive charm, and his eyes as bright and blue as the oceans in Cuba he reminisced about. But because I had, I didn't realise that I'd walked myself right into a trap. I was far too blinded by my infatuation for him, that I couldn't see the web of deception he was spinning right in front of me. It was embarrassing, especially as someone who didn't really believe in love, and trivial things like that. 

Except, I had. Believed, I mean. I liked Lance a lot. He made me blush and smile without me knowing, and I'd find myself thinking about him constantly. And maybe, earlier in the week, I would've gone as far as saying that I loved him. We were so much closer than I'd ever imagined; the only person I'd let get this intimate with me, was Shiro. A couple of days ago, Lance and I could hardly get through one conversation without wanting to murder each other. He was annoying, and smug, and so outgoing. And he was still all of those things, and clearly always would be. But the difference was that I'd fallen for him, and there was nothing I could do to stop those feelings from growing. Especially after what'd happened in the corridor. The kiss. A real kiss. Not like the soft, passing touch that Lance had brushed my lips with only hours ago, but one which meant something. Meant that we both wanted this. That we both felt like this was what was right. Where we were supposed to be.

Together.

But that was a fairytale. And happy endings don't exist.

My heart sank, heavy. 

Lance never cared, did he? The kiss didn't signify anything in our relationship. Because this whole week, he lied to me. About everything. About losing his memory, about wanting to be friends with me, about... liking me. Everything he'd told me was fake. And to my surprise, I wasn't mad, or angry, or planning to murder Lance tomorrow at 5pm with one of my blades in the kitchen or anything. I was just,

disappointed. 

Upset. 

Wishing that I could go back in time, where everything was completely fine. Lance and I were arguing, the team was back, and I wasn't crumbling in my bed, alone and heartbroken. That was the life I knew, and all I needed now was to get it back. Where everything was familiar, and wasn't anymore complicated than it needed to be.

Did Lance do this as a joke to mess with me? A game? Because I knew Lance loved games. Or did the rest of the team set him up to it? There was nothing else he would do this for, other than making me feel as much pain as possible. Ha, what if he did this out of spite? I never wanted to see him again, wanted to forget that he even existed. To neglect all of my feelings for him, and just move on with my life. 

But I couldn't. Because leaving behind the memories we'd made were far too hard. And because I lived in a ship. In space. With six other people. I could literally not escape him. 

Gripping the edge of my duvet, I forced my eyes to close. The air was warm, but I still buried myself under the covers, as if hiding away from all of the problems on the surface. What had I done to deserve this? Was this Karma for screaming at Lance the other day? Yeah, Lance was right. 

Karma is a fucking bitch. 

A loud rap at my door snapped my eyes open, and in response, my stomach swirled like I'd just been on a rollercoaster. Was it Lance? Please, let it not be Lance. I couldn't face him. If I did, he would either end up with two black eyes (I handed out many of those at my time at the Garrison *cough* James Griffin *cough*), or my own would start watering significantly, which I believed would most likely not happen because I could count the amount of times I've cried on one hand. Crying over Lance would be a loss, if anything. 

The knocks grew louder and more consistent, and after a few minutes of fighting with myself to get out of bed, I finally opened the door, a tinge of apprehension spreading through me as I slid it open. 

"Hey, Keith! We're back! How've you been?" Behind the door, a smiling Shiro looked down on me, Allura, Coran, Pidge and Hunk all standing next to him bearing the same expression. 

I sighed, grateful that he hadn't shown up. 

"G-good. I'm good. Yeah, I'm great, thanks, actually. Uh, quick question, have you seen Lance, at all?" 

Pidge snorted. "It's nice to see you too, dude."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, instead pulling the corner of my lips into a strained smile. "Sorry, I'm just nervous, I guess."

"Why? You feeling okay? You don't look too good," Hunk said sympathetically, glancing at the dark circles which had formed, and my bloodshot, pink eyes.

There was only one reason that I was so anxious. One person who would make me go into hibernation if he walked past my door and looked me right in the eye. "Because... because of..."

Allura placed a hand on her hip, raising a perfectly drawn eyebrow. "Lance?" 

"Yeah."

Pidge nodded, a knowing smirk on her face. Coran turned his head, searching for something in the hallway, but nothing seemed to emerge from the shadows. "Where is that boy, anyway? We have to sort out this Yeounal issue right away, or I fear that we may be too late...

"No!" I exclaimed. My heart jumped, the red flush ebbing out of my face immediately. Wondering eyes stared at me, confused. I was frustrated with Lance, and I knew I wouldn't be able to survive very long if I had to come into contact with him. And, frankly, he was a dick. But even I had some (lessened significantly) sort of regard for him. To save his dignity, having him in the room while we talked about him and the huge lie he had told us, was not a great plan. "I think we should not get Lance."

"Keith, we know who poisoned him. You know, I think he should be there when we tell him. Could we not just say hi, or something?" Shiro squinted, scrutinizing me. Like he knew I wasn't acting like myself. That something was wrong.

"I don't think you understand, guys. Lance is-"

And then, the penny dropped. 

"You know, don't you? That he..." I gazed at the floor, memorizing the intricate patterns of the marble. It suddenly became extremely interesting, and totally wasn't a distraction from the harrowing fact staring right at me.

"I feel like you know something we don't. Here, why don't we just sit in the conference hall and talk this out. We've probably missed out on a lot." 

A part of me wanted to ignore Hunk's offer, to just hide in my bed and pretend that I couldn't feel my heart falling apart every couple of minutes. 

Yet, I nodded, barely aware of my legs following the rest of the team to the meeting room, and bending as we sat on the high backed chairs at the end of the table. 

Allura waved her hand to someone as they entered through the door. Everybody had already assembled themselves at the table, meaning that there was only one person who could've walked in.

I pulled up the collar of my jacket even further, concealing the silver tint blooming on my cheeks. My heart hammered in my ribcage. 

"Hello, it is... urh... to see you sgain." A weightless, floating voice filled the room. That definitely wasn't Lance.

I snapped my head up, only to see three pale, faint faces studying my own. Before I could pull out my bayard, or shout, Hunk placed a hand on my arm.

"You must be the Red Paladin. I am Diosali, and this is Colyn and Lorsea. " 

I ignored them, scowling. "Shiro, who are they and how did they get in the Castle?" 

He laughed, beckoning for the two to sit down. "Keith, these are Nilovians. They are here to retrieve the Gem of Nerosion, you know, the one Pidge _stole_ ," he glanced at her disapprovingly. "from that planet, Nilov. And to explain to us what actually happened to Lance." 

That shut me up completely. 

"So, Diosali, ma'am, do you think you could explain how you were able to, um, poison Lance, for Keith's sake, of course." Hunk said, entranced by the Nilovians silk hair and glossed skin. But they didn't fool me.

"Excuse me, _WHAT_?! Are you kidding me? They're the people who did... that to Lance, and now they're allowed to sit with us like- like business partners, or something? Why aren't they in the cells, or being handcuffed, or- or-" I stood up violently, knocking over my chair in the process. My fingers clenched themselves together, very ready to pummel Colyn into a pulp. They _never_ poisoned him, because it _never_ happened. But I couldn't help but be maddened by them. Like I was trying to place the blame on someone else. But I knew that it wasn't their fault. 

" _Hush, child_! You are not permitted to speak to my ruler in this way!" Colyn scoffed, offended. 

"Oh, who the _fuck_ do you thing you're calling a child, huh? You can't just _waltz_ in here and fucking poison-"

Shiro raised his voice, slamming a fist onto the table. "Okay, both of you, _stop_ this! Keith, you don't understand what's happening here. Can you just sit down and listen to what they have to say?"

I couldn't just watch this happen. Sit and smile docilely as three aliens told me exactly how they'd stuck a needle into Lance and watch as this shithole of a week played out before them, because I knew it wasn't true. Lance lied. He told me himself. He hadn't been injected with Yeounal, hadn't been in a coma, hadn't forgotten anything. Whoever these people were, they had nothing to do with this, apart from wanting their gem back. I doubted it was even theirs; I remembered Pidge finding it hardly buried underground. No one would leave it lying there for just anyone to take. I felt like I had to tell everyone what the facts were, and what was completely and utterly false, but the rest of the team looked at me, pleading, so unwillingly, I grabbed my seat and heaved into the chair, scowling.

"Does he always act like such a petulant child?" Diosali murmured softly, kissing her teeth together spitefully.

Pidge growled, pulling down her opaque, glittering glasses, so that only her half of her eyes could be seen. I knew this Pidge. The terrifying, menacing Pidge. "Yes, obviously, what else did you expect? But if you have a problem with it, you can take it up with me. I'm the only one who's allowed to be mean to him, cat lady." She winked at me, flashing me a small smile, before positioning her glasses on the bridge of her nose. I couldn't tell whether that was supposed to be a helpful comment, or a compliment, or an insult, but I took it either way. She tried, I thought. She tried.

"Uh, you know what, it doesn't matter. Just get this over with and I'll be through with these-" The leader of the Nilovians whispered underneath her breath, before shaking her head and giving me a passive aggressive grin. "Look, the simplest way to put it is that Your Lance was never poisoned. We made our own concoction made from Yeounal which knocks out the victim, but if if you scan the remnants left, it will be seen as Yeounal. Happy? We were able to get into the castle undetected like this," she faded into the sickly, blue light, and eventually, only her clothes were visible. I recoiled slightly. They certainly had the ability to sneak into the castle. She appeared again, smirking at my confused expression. I frowned again. I could not give her the satisfaction. 

"The plan originally was to inject our potion into anyone, really, depart the castle while the rest of you readied yourselves to leave the red and blue paladins' alone, then we would come back to the steal the gem and leave. But then, the little greml- I mean, the Green Paladin installed a cloaking device. We lost the castle, and couldn't find it again. And, before you ask, we were not going to risk our lives and just walk in, asking for the gem back. We had no idea if you were working with the Galra. This is a war. It's not a competition of who has the best etiquette." Lorsea snapped, her accent thick and harsh as she spoke.

"So, you're saying... Lance never lost his memory?" Coran blinked, as if a torch had been shone into his eyes.

The hall bounced his words from wall to wall, before a silence fell over us. I made an effort to be civil, and calm as I tried to truly accept the nightmarish situation I had found myself in, even stopping myself from biting my nails.

But what before was pity, and exasperation towards Lance, turned into red, hot fury. 

The castle had been broken into. 

_And Lance lied._

All that was needed was a Gem, which could have been easily retrieved, but extreme, unnecessary measures were taken, and someone got hurt. 

_And Lance lied._

The Paladins were forced to leave the castle for a pretend cause, leaving the Castle open to attack if Zarkon ever found it.

_And Lance lied._

My priorities were all wrong, I knew they were. I'd known before anyone that Lance hadn't forgotten a thing, so why was it painful when Lorsea confirmed it? Maybe I'd been holding out the tiniest bit of hope. Praying that the person I trusted hadn't let me down. The person who I'd wished wouldn't walk out on me. 

Diosali opened her mouth to speak, but I glowered at her, advising her to listen. She knitted her lips together, frowning at me with large, luminous eyes. 

Everyone at the table peered at me. I willed myself to speak, to say something to end the agonizing quiet.

"Lance _lied_."

I winced. 

Hunk was the first to speak, distress creeping into his tone. "What do you mean, he lied? I don't-" 

"Lance _lied_ , okay? To me. To _all_ of us. He pretended to forget. And I didn't find out until today. He... he lied." My voice broke, tears stinging the corner of my eyes. The memory of the kiss burned my brain, taunting me, screaming into my head that Lance. Didn't. Love. Me. I felt everyone's gaze boring into my soul, but I kept my eyes down at my quivering hands. Lance didn't love me. And he never would.

"Why would he do that? I don't get it. He doesn't gain anything, apart from staying with Keith for a whole week, and that's probably not- oh." Pidge sighed, standing up from her seat. She smiled at me, but kinder, softer, almost like she knew more than me. "Allura, come with me. We need to go do... something..." 

She grabbed the dazed girl by the arm, leaving in a hurry down the hall without taking another look back. 

Hunk put his elbows on the wood, placing his hands in his head. "I... Lance has _never_ lied to me before. We tell eachother everything." He glanced at Shiro helplessly, wringing his finger through his headband, agitated. 

"Hunk, you can go, its fine. Give yourself a minute before talking to Lance. I'll go to him now." Hunk walked dejectedly outside, his hand wavering. 

Colyn tufted. "Ugh, humans. _So_ emotional. Look, can we just get our gem and _leave_?" 

I could see the annoyance in Shiro's eyes, but he hid it far better than I would. "Yes, just give us a minute. You can also go back to your people in the Kitchen."

At this, they left, Lorsea giving me a snide glare, and flicking her golden hair in my face. It's as if she thought I cared, but I couldn't give a shit. Shiro and I were the only ones in the room, and I knew where the conversation was heading. A place I hadn't planned for it to go. He took a seat beside me, looking at me with eyes of wisdom and sympathy. 

"Do you want me to cut to the chase, or should I soften you up a bit?" He said, quriking an eyebrow when I sneered. 

"Make it quick so I don't have to feel the pain for very long."

He chuckled. "Okay, okay. I know you're probably mad with Lance right now. It's expected. But I don't believe he did this to hurt you, or any of us, for that matter."

See, that was the problem. Shiro saw the good in everyone. But I couldn't see past it. Lance played me, and Shiro wasn't there to see it. He didn't understand how Lance had made my heart flutter. But now, all I could feel was pain whenever I thought of him. "Then why did he do it? Why did he put me through this, if he just 'didnt mean to do it'?" 

"Don't you think you're being a little melodramatic?"

"Shiro, melodrama is my middle name. I thought you knew me."

He rolled his eyes, but in good nature. "I'll just leave you with this - Do you think he would've gone through all this trouble of pretending, if say, me, or Hunk was voted to stay here with him?"

I thought that answer was pretty obvious. "Yes."

"Instead of being mad with him, try and see it from his perspective. I honestly, truly don't think he meant to cause you pain." Shiro stood up, and rested a hand on my shoulder. "Just think about it, okay? I'm going to talk to him now."

And just like that, I was left alone in the meeting hall, overflowing with a mixture of unwanted emotions.

******************************************

Third Person:

"Something happened between Lance and Keith when we were gone," Pidge said, running to an identical door on the 3rd hallway of the 4th floor. 

"Yeah, no kidding!" Allura followed her and paused when they were stopped outside it, out of breath. "What is this place? I don't think I've been in this room before..."

Pidge smirked mischievously, opening the door to a small, stuffed rectangle. It was dark, and musty, yet at least five blue, square screens illuminated it. Allura squinted, trying to decipher the code that had been typed into the desktop. "This is the newest addition to the Castle of Lions. It used to be a broom closet, but I made it a security room. It taps into the cameras all around the ship, not in bedrooms, of course, and is displayed on the computers. I usually use it when my laptop dies, or when we needed extra security measures, like when the Galra infiltrated the Castle, but today, we're using it for snooping."

Allura nodded, grinning. "Oooooh, I like it! Spying on who?"

"Lance and Keith, you numbnut! Lance didn't lose his memory, but I think he pretended to so that he could be with Keith for a week. Surely there's something interesting in the footage." She typed frantically on the keyboard, fastforwarding hours of dry video from the hallway outside Keith and Lance's bedrooms. 

Eventually, Allura shook her head. "I don't think there's anything here. I mean, all I've seen from this is them walking up and down the hallway, holding han-" 

The girls stopped.

"Oh my goodness. Holy quiznack. They're holding hands." Pidge watched the scene in awe as the two paladins in question passed on the screen with palms clasped together, Keith a bright shade of red, and Lance smiling freely. 

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, PIDG-" Allura screamed, muffled by Pidge's hand on her mouth. 

"Quiet, before someone hears us!"

"Okay, sorry, got a bit excited! Fast forward it, fast forward it." 

Pidge did so, barely able to contain her excitement. This was perfect blackmail material. Oh, the things she could do with this footage. It was a dream come true. 

To her delight, it hardly stopped there. 

Allura scanned the scene again, seeing nothing but a sped up version of Keith and Lance walk out of the same bedroom. "They look super happy together."

"Right?! It's true love. A twisted, angsty version of true love."

"Wait."

She saw Keith and Lance walk out of the same bedroom.

"Pidge. Go back, go back go back go back go back! You need to go back right now. Right now."

And then they saw it. Keith sliding the door, then Lance walking out.

Them walking quietly for a few seconds, then Lance holding out his hand.

Nothing.

Keith talking to Lance, awkwardness setting on their faces.

Then Lance walked closer to him.

And closer.

And closer.

Until-

"Oh. My. Fucking. Goodness." Pidge murmured, a hand gripping Allura's arm. 

"They kissed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would really appreciate comments and kudos! thx love ya


	16. Update: Everything is Not Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> includes angst, self harm, and anxiety. Please read chapter notes at the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> So I just wanted to post this as a warning - the next chapter mentions anxiety and self harm. This could be quite triggering, so please please please be careful while reading this next part.
> 
> I was a bit 'emotional' writing this, which is why its taken me such a long time to update, but it will be updated either this evening or tomorrow (where i am, its like 9pm for me so it could be in a couple of hours). 
> 
> Also, if you do decide to skip the next part because of its contents, i will write a summary of what happened afterwards so that you are filled in. 
> 
> thatklanceshipper x

Lance's POV:

Itching. Burning, seething, searing the underneath of my skin. Giving me unwanted, red rashes all over my body. 

And the scratching. The unending, intolerable scratching. Every scrape shooting a stinging pain upwards, but I couldn't stop. Not even when the blood started to prick on the surface of my skin. Not even when it reached my face, cuts bruising the smooth, silken surface that used to be. Not even when my hands started to shake uncontrollably, and the sweat dripped down my forehead, sticking to my skin and into the grazes.

I knew it would end up this way. From the very beginning. Knew that I would end up heartbroken, knew that everything would some way or another come to an unsatisfying close. But I'd told myself that no, I _could get through this week without being caught_ , that I should just _live in the moment._

But living in the _fucking_ moment had gotten me here, sitting in the dimly lit, small bathroom, scratching and tearing my skin away. It was a distraction from the things I felt inside. The suffocating guilt which rampaged in my head, crushing me with another wave of hurt. I knew that it was bad for me, but I didn't know how to stop. And if I did, what else could I do? At least the pain was something else to focus on.

Yet there was always that knot in my stomach which could never be undone. The strike to my gut which reminded me of the lie I had lived. The people I'd hurt. My friends, who I'd put at risk.

Keith.

The one I never intended to hurt. The one I'd started all this for. 

Just to get close to him. 

Just to _know_ him.

But I guess he was right from the moment this all began. 

" _You're so insignificant to me and everyone else. So fucking annoying. Just_ go _, Lance."_

His words ran in my ear, a loud siren which never seemed to switch off. That was what he thought about me. And the more I listened to those words taunting me, the more I started to believe it myself. 

Insignificant.

Annoying.

Go.

Leave. 

Leave. 

I wasn't needed here. Nothing I ever did or said made a difference. 

Not in Voltron, not back at home, and not here.

So why stay? Why hurt _everyone_ around me if I had the choice to leave? 

I brought my head up to the mirror, glaring back at the cracked person inside. Slits of trickling, red liquid painted recklessly on an unfinished canvas, mixed with salted, silver tears. My eyes were empty, no sadness, no emotion in the pool of darkness. Nothing that threatened to show the damage inside.

I didn't recognize myself anymore. A hollow, empty version of me, broken, splintered. Pathetic. Unwanted.

And now, leaving seemed like the only option. It wasn't like I could explain myself. Then they'd know. The feelings I had for him. The way he warmed my heart, melting into his violet gaze, the soft smiles he gave me when he thought I wasn't looking, my affection for him which made the world around me spin and made me believe that nothing else mattered.

I needed to go. Because the thought of waking up to see him everyday...

Hardly realising it, I pulled myself from the ground, trembling, my stomach feeling as though it would release the contents inside, although I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten. Or how long I'd sat on the floor, scratching. My legs could barely support me, so the sink became my anchor, keeping me from stumbling. 

_Leave_. 

I didn't need to take anything with me. I had nothing to take with me. Apart from Blue, of course, but she hadn't let me in for ages. I was sure she knew about the lie, but I had heard nothing from her. No rumbling laughs, no mocking chuckles, nothing. What if she was really _cross_ with me? I wouldn't be surprised. Everyone was mad at me. 

My eyes scanned over the washroom, the discarded bottles of moisturiser and face masks scattered across the room . But it all looked blurry, the colours swirling together, making my head pound and spin. 

_Leave_. 

The silver handle was sweaty, wet, half broken from the door itself. I walked clumsily to my bedroom, unable to stop myself from scratching, and approached the sliding door - the one Keith had knocked at every night this week, to stay with me.

_Leave_. 

I didn't want to remember. Just to forget. 

_Leave_.

Why didn't the Yeounal work? Why couldn't my memory have been wiped from the very beginning, so this would've never happened? Was this a punishment? Or did the universe just hate me? 

_Leave_. 

The button on the side wall was so close. Just one push, and I could go. One second, and I could cut ties completely. Just one button.

_Leave._

The overwhelming hurt, the tears, the overwhelming annoyance with myself. Just one button and it would all be over. My finger reached towards it, shuddering as it hovered only millimetres away from pressing the switch. I felt the air almost crush me, turning cold and harsh against my cuts. Wincing, I closed my eyes, chest tightening, the sound of my desperate breathing thunderous in my ear. 

_Leave._

And suddenly, the door slid open. 

I looked up to take a shaky step forward, whether I was mentally and physically ready or not. Yet something blocked me, a blurry figure which stared at me with stormy, but concerned grey eyes.

"L...Lance? Are you... are you okay?" A hand on my shoulder, a familiar, soft voice leading me slowly back into reality. I felt a slight push backwards, and I fell onto my bed, another sink on the mattress beside me. "Lance, what's wrong? And what's with the blood... and the cuts...?" 

And with that, I could feel any strength inside of me crumble, choking sobs catching at my throat and tumbling down my face yet again. I was struggling for air which simply wasn't there. I was so _tired_. So tired of crying. So tired of _hating_ myself.

"Shiro...? My hands tensed, pulling at my hair and scratching again. 

The unending, intolerable scratching. 

"Lance, breathe. Okay? I'm right here. Just take a deep breathe, and then breathe out. Good, good. And, stop the scratching, you're hurting yourself."

"Well, that's the point, isn't it?" I said bitterly.

Shiro rolled his eyes, a small but clearly visible smile on his lips. "Your sense of humour is frightening." He took my wrists, clasping them with his hands to make sure I didn't peel away any more of my skin. "Are you feeling okay? You know you can tell me anything, right?" 

And then it came again. The biting guilt which gnawed at my mind, tensed up my body, crawling down my spine little by little. 

"I...I messed up, Shiro. Really, re- _really_ messed up. And i- and I don't kno- I _don't_ know what to-" The tears dropped onto my lap. I turned to glance past him, unable to look straight into his eyes. "I have- n- no idea what to do." 

He nodded, sighing. "I know."

" _No_. No you don't. You _don't_ understand everything that's happened - what I've done." 

"Lance. I know. I mean, we all do."

The lightheadedness that had overcome me instantly ceased.

They knew. Was that why Shiro came? To scold me? To tell me how stupid I'd been? Because I'd already done that to myself. He didn't need to bother.

"I'm so, s- so sorry, Shiro. I didn't mean to-"

"I know you didn't mean to. But you shouldn't hurt yourself because of it."

His calmness frustrated me, like he was disappointed, but trying not to show it. Like I was too weak to take it. "Well, why aren't you mad? _Why aren't you shouting at me? Aren't you_ angry _, or_ sad _, or- or_ annoyed _?_ I don't _-_ I don't understand _?"_

Shiro turned to stare at the dresser in front of me, shoulders dropping significantly. "I'm not mad at you. I don't think anyone is." 

"Not even Pidge?" I scoffed. 

"That's debatable. But I think she was more... amused, per se." He chuckled, placing his arms on his knees. "But I think most of us are confused. Especially Hunk. The two of you are close, and he was hurt to know that you kept something from him. All they want to know is why. Why did you-"

I knew what was coming next. It reverberated through my bones, twisting my stomach in disgust for myself. "Lie?"

"Yes. Lie." 

I didn't answer, instead focusing on the soft, cotton rug on the floor. The patterns were intricate, complicated, a maze of colours and designs. 

Hunk.

Since the first day of the Garrison, we'd been best friends. Inseparable. And I'd told him everything; we _trusted_ each other with everything. Secrets, crushes, _anything_. He was the first person I'd come out to, and he'd been so supportive. But somehow, I'd managed to fuck up my friendship with the person who'd stuck by me for years. 

Shiro shifted, noticing my discomfort, and tapped on my shoulder, drawing my attention back to his question. "I may know why. But I want to hear it from you."

Wow, that rug really was interesting. How had I never seen it before?

"And I think Keith would appreciate knowing too."

Suddenly, I felt the hairs on my arm tense.

Keith. 

He didn't want to know. He'd hardly given me a chance to explain myself. 

"I hurt him. I _lied_ to him, and took advantage of him. I can't _believe_ myself. And now..." The thought of what might come next scared me. If I'd run away from here, then I wouldn't have had to think about it again. It would be in the past, forever. 

"Something happened while I was gone, huh?" 

The kiss, his touch, his warm gaze, all memories from the past few days flitted through my mind, leaving an unpleasant taste in my mouth. I wanted it back, wanted him back. But guess what - I'd fucked that up too. Shrugging, I pulled my eyes from the rug. "What happened doesn't matter anymore."

"But don't you think he _deserves_ to know? After this whole week of thinking you'd lost your memory? You should talk to him, explain. Maybe he won't react how you think he will." Shiro raised an eyebrow. "In fact, he's downstairs now. And, I'm sure he's ready to listen; I spoke to him earlier. I could leave you two to have a talk between yourselves, and-"

" _No_! I mean, no. I already tried talking to him."

"And then what happened?"

Keith ran away from me. Hurt. Mad. Hating me. And afterwards, I didn't see or hear him anywhere in the castle. I tried talking to him, knocking on his door, and praying, _wishing_ that he'd hear me out. But I didn't blame him for trying to avoid me. I would too, if I were him. I brushed off Shiro's question, not willing to answer. 

"Do I _seriously_ have to look at the security cameras' just to get an answer from you?" Shiro muttered, smirking at the dark flush blooming on my cheeks. Shit. The security camera's. I'd forgotten about them. And knowing Pidge, she'd probably gotten to them almost immediately. I would never live it down, thanks to her. "Don't worry, I won't invade on your privacy like that. But I want to help you. I need to know what happened."

"Look, he doesn't li- he doesn't want to talk to me. I tried explaining it to him, but nothing I say will change anything." 

This time, I stared at Shiro in the eye, unblinking. "It never does."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys hope u enjoyed reading this chapter. It was really hard to write and I'm very sorry that its come much later x Its quite a short chapter but I'll try make up for it in the next one 😊


	17. 7 Days

Keith's POV:

7 days.

It's been 7 days since I last saw Lance. 

7 days of silence, no boisterous, loud energy to fill the hall at breakfast. 7 days without terrible pick up lines, tasteless jokes and sarcastic, yet good natured comments. 7 days without his large grin which crinkled the edges of his eyes and brightened his whole face. 7 days without his small, sweet giggle which buzzed underneath my skin, running through my veins like a drug. 7 days without the pink, subtle flush that dusted his cheek and nose, and the wrinkle of his mouth as he tried to hide it before anyone noticed.

7 days is far too long.

Without him, it felt like a gaping hole was slowly closing in on us. A black hole which threatened to suck us in and leave us weak, debilitated. It was as though no one realised till now just how much we relied on Lance. He left an aura of euphoria everywhere he went, a positive, uplifting spirit which rubbed off on us, without us even realising it. The pranks and witty quips which we used to find annoying, seemed to be something we found ourselves yearning for, hoping for someone to lift our mood. 

But there was only one person who could do that.

Lance. 

However, Shiro told us to give him time, to leave him in his room until he was ready to come out. Not to force him to talk to us, but to wait, and be patient.   
Hunk had visited him once, and had sat with him for hours before coming out. We all expected him to bring Lance with him, but that didn't seem to be the case. However, Hunk seemed happier, a bright smile spreading across his face every time he walked past me. Naturally, I'd tried to get him to tell me what Lance had said to him, but all he gave me was a knowing grin, and a sly wink. 

It'd been like that for the whole week. 

I guess at first I was fine with it all. Well, I thought that Lance hibernating in his room was a good thing. I wouldn't have to see him, or feel that spark of blazing anger and a tinge of disappointment rushing through me every time I thought about what he did. And I was actually able to survive (barely) the first couple of days. 

But no one _seemed_ to mind that he hadn't explained himself. Hadn't apologised, or even shown his face once. Was he a coward? Was he nervous? Pidge seemed more occupied with her computer, clicking away at the keyboard, and giving me small looks from above her rounded, thick rimmed glasses. Allura was content with smiling awkwardly at me, and Shiro acted as though he was completely indifferent to the whole situation, but I knew he was hoping that Lance and I could just get over it and forgive eachother. 

But what did he have to forgive me for? I had _nothing_ to feel sorry about. _He_ was the one who lied to me, and everyone else. He played with _my_ feelings. He had _zero_ reason to be upset, or nervous. _I_ was allowed to feel angry. _I_ was allowed to feel like I hated him, and hurt, and pain.

So why did I feel the complete opposite? 

Don't get me wrong, I still thought he was a prick; anyone would. If I didn't, then there was clearly something wrong with me. But there was something holding me back from losing my shit. Something nagging at my brain, a small glimpse of something important that I should remember, but as soon as I took a hold of it, it slipped through my grasp like sand. I tried not to think about it, tried to act like I wasn't being torn to pieces on the inside, but it was hard enough with everyone sulking around the Castle. It got to the point where instead of going to the training deck before sleeping, I'd have to retire early, knowing that I didn't have the energy to run the simulator.

But when I went to sleep... that was when the thoughts plagued me. 

The infuriating fact that I _knew_ Lance was in the room next to me, but I couldn't go to him. That I hated him, but at the same time, a hidden part of me knew that wasn't true. That in this puzzle, there was something I was missing, but couldn't quite figure out what it was.  
That there was more to what Lance was telling me. 

I guess I just... never gave him the time to explain himself. Yet I was blaming him for not giving me an answer.

I completely shut him away, without even giving him the means to talk to me. 

Before I'd turned away, he said that he had an explanation. He had something to say. 

He said that he-

That he-

Suddenly, a crushing pain pounded one side of my head, pulsating. Black spots blinding my vision the more I blinked as I tried to regain my sense of equilibrium. The dark, mahogany colours of my room swirled together to make a sickly brown, a concoction of confusion and swirls. Nausea plagued me, twisting the insides of my stomach, the taste of bile poisoning my mouth and a falling sensation overcoming me in an instant.

As quickly as it came, the headache vanished, leaving no traces that it had ever even existed. 

Maybe I needed a drink. 

Sweat clinged to my shirt, dripping down my arm like a bottle of water had drenched me, but I was able to pull myself out of my bed and slide open my cool, metal door. The cold hit me as I stepped out into the corridor, but I was used to it. As I was with the dark, sinister blue tint that illuminated the hallway, and the enveloping silence. For a second, I flinched, looking around me carefully. Now that I knew a species like the Nilovians existed, I had to be extra careful. Who knew if they were here, right now, watching me and planning their next escapade?

Paranoia seemed to always be at my side, no matter how much I shook off the unsettling feeling in my heart.   
I guess it just could've been because of the unusual events that had occurred. Being the pilot of a big, red mechanical lion and fighting purple aliens called the Galra never made me feel this way, but one kiss and my whole system broke down. 

I crept into the considerably warmer kitchen, the familiar humming of the space fridge weirdly comforting. Opening the mini door, I took out a water bottle, pouring the liquid into a glass. Everything was in place, where it was meant to be.   
So why did something feel off?

I dismissed the sensation like I always did, taking a sip of the icy cold water, feeling it refresh and restart my mind. The memory of the minor migraine was faint, an after thought, as I downed the rest of my drink in one swift gulp. 

My eyes shut for a second, embracing the tranquility, but as they opened, I found myself wishing for them to close again. 

***

We didn't speak. I didn't know how long we stayed like that, maybe seconds, minutes, hours, but time didn't seem to feature in that moment. Our eyes kinda just... focused on eachothers for a while. His were wide, dark, the calm lake now a raging blue sea, scared, apprehensive. I tried, hard, to neutralize my expression, but the shock overcame me.

"Lance...?" I heard myself mutter, the glass in my hand dropping to the ground dramatically. Luckily, it didn't smash, but Lance winced, his hands quivering at the sound. 

"Keith." The sound of my name seemed to die on his lips, a whisper lost in the nonstop humming in the room. "Uh..."

I felt an overwhelming wave engulf me, emotions of anger, sadness, remorse, longing, all mixed up inside. The headache threatened to come back, but I wouldn't go through that again. I swallowed everything down, gritting my teeth and clenching my fists. I knew Lance hated it when I grinded my teeth, but it was a force of habit. 

"What are you doing here?" The question didn't seem much of a question, but more of a forceful statement. 

He sighed from the opposite side of the kitchen, placing down the food goo he'd previously been chewing and taking a cautious step towards me. Instead of taking a step back, I held my ground. 

"I came to get f-food. I w-was hungry." 

He scratched his arms before pulling them down hurriedly, but he still wrung his fingers together, pulling at the edge of his t-shirt. 

_This_ wasn't the Lance I knew.   
This was broken Lance.  
The Lance who was always on edge.   
Always scratching.

I didn't realise he'd gotten this bad.

I never thought he'd been this affected. 

And that was the problem. I'd only been thinking about myself, when Lance had feelings too. Holding off was the wrong decision to make. Maybe I should've gone to him first, and this wouldn't have gone so far. 

Because no matter how angry I was with him, no matter how upset, or annoyed, he was still human. And humans make mistakes, right? Was that the thing bugging me, this entire time? The fact that I was being unfair? And the worst part was that he'd told me one crucial thing that I'd ignored. 

' _I'm just trying to be with you!'_ He'd said.

' _I really, really like you!_ ' He went. 

And I ignored him. 

For 7, whole days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys,
> 
> Ik. cue the clown music🤡 I havent updated for like 4 WEEKS WTH MAN???!!!!!! a lot has happened in the past few weeks which I've been dealing with, and it's all coming to a close tomorrow😌 as well as this HAMILTON IS COMING OUT TOMORROW so this should be a great celebration for the end of a depressing time😂 ik this is a short chapter, AGAIN *sorry about that* but dw, I'm hoping next chapter (which will be a sPeciAl eDitiOn dedicated to my chef in crime) will be a right banger-
> 
> (I'm sorry, I'm English. it had to be said.)
> 
> anywayyy, hope u enjoyed whatever this chapter is🤪 I'm sleeping now ✌ 


	18. That One Eraser Cookbook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> before we start, warning: this bonus chapter is extremely weird and slightly chaotic but I put effort, time and care into this, as its dedicated to my chef in crime, @thatdamsnackbar 😂♡ however it does contribute to the storyline, so, read as you delve into Hunks adventures as a chef.
> 
> I wasnt gonna post this to Ao3 and just to Wattpad but I havent updated in ages so here you go! it's just a filler chapter before we get down to the gritty stuff

**3rd Person POV (Hunk):**

Hunk, personally, was fed up. And that was a big, big feat. He liked to think that he was nice to everyone, and respected peoples decisions. That was how he gained his nickname, Cinammon Roll, in the first place. 

But this... this was too much. 

Both Lance and Keith were being idiots. Their pride was getting in the way of seeing what was truly in front of them; their love for eachother. And Hunk tried, you know. Hunk really, really tried to knock some sense into Lance when he visited him in his room. He'd said fair and square that Lance should stop hiding, suck it all up and go talk to Keith, because clearly communication was the only way forward. 

But Lance, being Lance, had said no, that he couldn't face him right now, like this. And while Hunk understood, he just thought that the easiest way to end all of this heartbreak and drama was to talk it all out. Their situation was like a massive elephant in the room, but instead of addressing it, both Lance and Keith decided to look at it and say "hmmm... you know what... I'm going to ignore it even though it's really uncomfortable and kind of annoying me."

So, _yeah_! Hunk _was_ fed up. All this tension was breaking the team apart, and the worst part was that Hunk could do nothing to bring them all together again. He'd tried everything, from playing board games with Pidge (she denied, only wanting to sneak off into a secret room that Hunk knew nothing about), to escorting the Nilovians back to their home planet and chatting idly with them. He'd even gone as far as to singing Altean Folk Songs to try and cheer Coran and Allura up. But nothing seemed to be working, and Hunk was getting desperate. 

One afternoon, however, when everyone had retreated into their rooms apart from Coran, Hunk found something.

It wasn't something he'd seen before, oh no. And he certainly hadn't heard of it before. But as it rested on the dust-ridden surface of the kitchen cabinet, Hunk's eyes were drawn to it almost immediately.   
Its cover was dark, but had bright pops of yellow which gleamed in the blue light of the Kitchen. The pages were old and crumbled, yet somehow held an air of honour and prosperity about it, as if it was an heirloom of some sort.

But as he scanned hurriedly over the bold printed letters, he rested it down again on the countertop, confused. 

"That One Eraser... Cookbook?"

A pot of Staedtler rubbers in a pot were prominently placed on the front cover, along with a 'special recipe' quoting 'world famous chocolate covered erasers'. 

Surely, that couldn't be right. Erasers were tools you used to rub out your incorrect answers discretely while the professor read out the right ones. You couldn't cook with them, let alone eat them! Hunk was sure it was dangerous, eating stationary; that much was a given. He glanced over it once again, trying to make sense of it, but each time left him feeling even more perplexed. Yet just as he was about to flick through the pages, a loud chuckle echoed through the kitchen, ricocheting against the pure white walls. 

"Ah, my boy, you've found the treasure," Coran laughed, waving his mop of red hair out of his eyes so he could inspect the book. 

"What do you mean, treasure? This... doesn't look like treasure to me?" Hunk muttered, stepping an inch away from it.

Suddenly, Coran snatched the cookbook, exaggerated horror drawn all over his face. "Ex _cuse_ me! This is the greatest food related treasure known to the Alteans. Its authors, Chefs Tiffany and Lizzie changed our lives, and for the better." He slung an arm over Hunk's shoulders, sighing dramatically. 

"Coran, that's-nice, but to us, or should I say, earthlings, we don't eat erasers. I'm pretty sure thats-" 

"No, my dear boy. To you, this is not food. But Alteans, we see something more in it. Erasers take away your mistakes, right? So with the power of quintessence, Alteans were able to find a way to utilise the rubbers in the same way but on a different scale."

Why? was all Hunk could think. Why on earth would anyone put the word rubber and quintessence in the same sentence? But Coran was on a roll now; Hunk couldn't stop him. 

"Due to a typo in something called a text? That One Eraser Cookbook was created. It was a shared joke between the two chefs, but what they didn't realise was that they'd invented something spectacular. Nearly a hundred years later Alteans found the transcripts of the cookbook along with the front cover that they made and published it to all, with some added amendedments such as quintessence."

Coran exhaled again, though deeper, more solemn. "This is the only copy left, after Altea was destroyed."

It made a little more sense now. This cookbook meant something to Coran. But how a small typo could evolve into a 'bestseller on amazon' he didn't know, and frankly, he did not want to ask how. 

He did have one important question to ask, though. 

"You said it needed quintessence. So, I guess the recipe would be some pretty powerful stuff. What does it actually... you know... do?" 

Coran grinned, his eyes sparkling. "Like I said, an eraser is used to rub out mistakes. Along with with Quintessence... it has the power to show you a mistake you will make in the near future and that way, you know exactly how to avoid." 

Hunk felt his chest tighten slightly. He knew that the power of food was strong. It could spark friendship, love and special bonds between people.   
He did not know that a rubber and quintessence, two ingredients that were clearly not foods, had the power to make you see into the future so you could stop yourself from doing the wrong thing. 

Yeah, Hunk had flown in a yellow lion-shaped spaceship almost every day and only threw up twice, and that was a freaking achievement. But the thought of cooking erasers made him feel even more nauseous. 

"You know what Coran, my man, my dude, uh, I think I'll have to pass on this-"

But before he could finish his sentence, Cotan had grabbed him by the shoulders and was staring intensely in his eyes. 

"Hunk. You are a talented chef. This is _your_ calling. This is _your_ adventure. And you never know, you might not be able to avoid something that you'll regret later if you pass on this." 

And surprisingly, that was enough to convince Hunk into trying an eraser based recipe. Being a chef was all about trying new things, right? Furthermore, it definitely wouldn't be the weirdest thing he'd eaten. Alien food goo? Check. Some terrible drink at a party when they first arrived on planet Arus? Check. So chocolate covered erasers would be an absolute doozy.

*

Turns out it wasn't a doozy. It actually proved to be an extremely difficult task. Coran had scoured the cupboards and eventually found a surprisingly new looking pot of Staedtler erasers (Hunk didn't even know they had that in space). The chocolate was quite hard to find, however. Apparently, Altea had erasers, but not chocolate. So he had to use juniberry beans to compensate (Coran said they would work as well as the chocolate. Hopefully).

The actual recipe itself was easy enough to make, but it was the distractions around him that made everything ten times harder. Keith had wandered into the kitchen a couple of times, unsure of what to do with himself. He'd been like that the moment they'd arrived back at the castle after the Nilovians told them about the fake poison, and they had been respectful in giving him space. The only person he would remotely react with was Shiro, but they could all see he was trying to involve himself with others. By now, everyone knew about Keith and Lance's... relationship... except from the two in question.   
However, when Keith walked into the kitchen for the tenth time that day, he shuffled straight up to where Hunk was standing over the melting juniberry beans. 

"Wh- What are you making?" He mumbled, scratching the back of his head nervously. From what it looked like, you'd think Keith hadn't had any human interaction in weeks. 

Hunk smiled, whisking the contents of the pan ferociously again. "Hey, again! I'm making- uh- its... its weird, okay, but Coran said it'd be worth it." 

The other boy cocked his head to the left side, frowning, but as he did, his eyes flashed over the cookbook. 

And then he laughed. 

A proper, loud, chuckle, which filled the kitchen. 

"You cannot be serious right now! I- An eraser cookbook?? Ha! I-" Keith doubled over, then immediately straightened up, blushing. "Sorry, I've just never seen something like that before. Is that real?" 

"Yes. And I'm not sure if this is still a good idea, but it made you laugh and I haven't seen you do that in ages, so that's all that matters!" Hunk grinned, then turned his attention back to the 'food' in front of him. The sauce wasn't sizzling like it said it should be in book, so naturally, Hunk turned up the heat on the cooker. 

Suddenly, a quiet hissing noise filled Hunk and Keith's ears, and they slowly turned to look at eachother, eyes widened in fear. 

Then-

B O O M. 

A loud explosion burst in front of them, specks of sauce flicking onto their faces. Smoke was slowly filling the room, but they didn't seem to notice it. Only the fact that both of their hairs was standing on edge, Keith's mullet frizzy and tangled, while Hunk's headband had flown off and onto the floor. The hundreds of alarms and sensors plastered onto the walls by Coran were blaring infuriatingly loudly, and had zero intention of stopping any time soon. They looked like mad scientists, and that was on Dr. Heinz Doofenschmirtz. 

Keith left the room soon after with an expression that was less than amused on his face. 

After the fifth time of trying to perfect the juniberry (or downgraded chocolate) sauce, Hunk had finally made it good enough that it even met up to Coran's standards, which were incredibly high.   
But that wasn't it, oh no. He still had to add quintessence to the erasers. As talented of a chef Hunk was, the only person who could do that was Allura. And thankfully, she agreed. 

"You're making chocolate covered erasers? Oh goodie! I haven't had some since I was a child! Hunk, well done!" Allura squealed, then refined herself, brushing down her gown, then cupped four rubbers into her dainty, smooth hands. Shiro had joined the show, along with Coran watching on for moral support, and Hunk stood nervously at the edge of the kitchen. If another explosion was going to happen, he didn't want to be anywhere near it. 

Closing her eyes delicately, she exhaled, and clasped her hands together. Allura was in her element here; calm, collected, and composed. Her Altean Marks started to glow, and the rubbers inside her palms burned a bright blue which illuminated the room. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath, waiting, watching for some sort of boom, or booyakasha, but as quickly as it came, the glowing died down to a minimum. 

The kitchen was silent as Allura opened her eyes and prised her palms open. 

Then-

"COFFEE!!!!"

A sleep deprived, black eyed and slouched Pidge bombarded her way into the room, blasting the doors open wide. Her short hair was pulled back by a green hairband and smudged calculations were riding all the way up her arm. 

"Coffee. I need coffee now." 

Hunk shook his head, amused. She could've walked in at any other time apart from now. "How many cups have you had today? And you know we're running out, because Altea's... hm... 'coffee' is in low supply." 

She payed little attention to him, fingers shaking as she haphazardly threw random ingredients from cupboards in search for her precious coffee. "It doesn't matter how much I've had, it's a case of how much more I want." Her voice was quivering, and her words stumbled out of her mouth at lightning speed. Shiro was just about to tell her to slow down, but as soon as she had gotten a hold of the bag of beans, she'd already sprinted halfway out of the kitchen.

Until she sniffed and caught a whiff of cooked rubbers and juniberry sauce. The girl whipped around almost immediately, and raised a confused eyebrow. "Hunk I know you like to experiment, but I don't think cooking with rubbers is safe."

"That's what I said! But- just look, it's nearly ready, and then everyone can try some." He smiled at Allura as she placed down the glowing blue erasers onto the countertop, then picked one up with his forefinger and thumb. A spark rushed through his veins, and he shivered slightly, but there was no time to think about that now. Pidge walked closer to the group and inspected the erasers, skeptical, yet somehow extremely intrigued. Trust her to want to take this to her mini lab and examine it. 

Hunk, after being given a reassuring nod by Coran, dipped the rest of the erasers into the sauce, and placed them expertly onto four white plates. He sprinkled sugar onto them, just as the cookbook had said, and stepped back, a tentative grin on his face. He didn't know what to think of them, to be honest. At first glance, they looked like large, rectangular candies, but everyone knew that was far from the truth. Even Pidge seemed to wake up at the sight of them. 

"So... I suppose everyone should dig in?" Shiro asked, slowly picking up an eraser and holding it at his lips. 

Pidge put a hand on her hips. "You can't be serious. We're supposed to eat these? It better not poison me or something."

"Hey! Trust at least my cooking skills!" As Hunk said this, he grabbed a rubber and decided not to hesitate, biting ferociously into it. 

Now, there wasn't a certain taste to it. Not that it wasn't good, or anything. It was sweet, but not too sweet. Full of flavour, yet not overpowering. The middle of the eraser was soft, like eating a Mars bar, and the juniberry sauce was tangy and smooth on his tongue. 

Not that he could focus on the taste at all. Almost immediately, a light, floaty sensation filled his brain, like a cloud, and faint memories that were his entered his mind. Except, he didn't remember sitting on his bed reading a book, and then an hour later, having Lance come crying into his room with far more scars than he did before. 

Suddenly, the vision turned an eery black, and nothing seemed to happen for a split second. He still had that light sensation, but this time, the memory was different. This time, he was sprinting into Lance's room at, what was it, one in the morning? and telling him to go into the kitchen instantly. The faded Lance looked confused, but he did so anyway, and-

The dream ended, and Hunk was pulled into reality again. Shiro, opened his eyes at the same time as he did, a half bitten eraser in his hand. He put it down shakily, then whispered, "I need to go to the training deck." He left the room in a hurry, almost knocking a chair down. 

Next was Pidge, who had bitten a tiny bite off of the edge. She flushed white, and gasped as her eyes fluttered open. "My cameras- oh my security- I mean, excuse me, I just need to go shut down... something-" 

As she ran away, she didn't even realise that her long awaited coffee was left discarded on the dining table. 

Allura left muttering something about talking to her mice about a certain thing, and Coran, thinking he was being sneaky, hid the cookbook in the cabinet under the sink, shaking his head.

Hunk didn't know what everyone else had seen, but he knew that there was one important thing he needed to do, even if he didn't understand it. 

He needed to tell Lance to go to the kitchen at 1am, or the consequences would be severe on the already broken boy. 

Maybe making the "chocolate" covered erasers wasn't such a bad idea, since they actually seemed to do their job, and didn't taste too shabby either. 

Maybe Chefs Tiffany and Lizzie really were geniuses, in their own, weird way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh... this was weird but I loved writing it. it was the most fun I've had writing tbh lmaooo. I do have a picture of the front cover of that one eraser cookbook but I couldnt figure out how to attach it, sorry 🙃 I'll keep trying, hope u liked this chapter


	19. Excuses Excuses

**Lance's POV:**

Keith's face searched mine, his eyebrows raising as the glass in his hand seemed to fall to the ground in slow motion. Everything around me froze.

A cool chill, which only I was privy to, swept over my arms. The hairs on my arms pricked up, goosebumps suddenly appearing. Hunk had dragged me here, for reasons unknown, and it wasn't like he was going to tell me. All he told me was that it was important, and not to ask questions. It wouldn't have mattered either way, because sleeping wasn't really an option anymore; everytime I felt myself slipping away, another anxiety, another fear nipped at my mind. At least if I was awake, I could force myself to do _something_. Then, for even a moment, I could focus on something other than the dread and distress I felt. So Hunk telling me to go down to the kitchen wasn't such a bad idea. I just wasn't expecting to see _him_ here.

His breath hitched, and within a second, I was brought back to the present, the glaze over my eyes vanishing. No. I wanted to go back, back to the state in which nothing mattered, where nothing I did had any repercussions, where everything was still and hazy.

The problem with that, though, was that I'd be alone with my thoughts. 

And that was dangerous. 

"What are you _doing_ here?" He snapped, wringing his fists subconsciously, as if trying to find something to distract him from the absence of his glass. 

My mouth felt like sandpaper, scratching at my throat and restricting me from being able to speak. Avoiding Keith had become my number one priority, and he seemed to be doing the same to me, so meeting now.... I wasn't ready. Even though I'd run through fifty different possible ways I could explain myself to him, none of them seemed right. The words contorted and stretched in my mind, taunting me, mixing and swirling in ways which made my brain ache. 

But I couldn't run from him now. Keith was there in the flesh, right in front of me. No longer an image that appeared in my imagination. 

"I asked you a question?"

"I came to get food. I- I was hungry." It wasn't a complete lie, but I felt as though if I told him the truth, Keith might blame Hunk for leading me here. My fingers rose to my arm, pleading to scratch and tear my skin apart, but I stopped as Keith's eyes followed them, widening. He'd never seen me like this, and I'd never want him to. So, I pulled down the sleeve of my sweatshirt, knowing that the scars would be hidden underneath it. But it looked like Keith already knew they were there without the confirmation. 

A moment of sympathy flashed across his face, so quickly that I hardly noticed it, but it was there all the same. Yet I knew he wouldn't give me the satisfaction of knowing that I'd seen it, instead baring his teeth together and pulling on a mask of stone. "You done avoiding me now?" His voice was surprisingly calmer than before now. Like he was trying to stop himself from getting mad with me. 

"I... I haven't been- I-"

"Yes. _Yes_ you have and you _know_ it." He blushed a furious red, and I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks as well. "And, you know, I put up with that shit for seven days, but I'm done with it now. Because -" 

His shoulders dropped in defeat.

"Because it hurts."

My eyes flickered to his, and instead of seeing anger, or frustration, they were filled with deep pools of sadness. Regret. Sorrow. Just like mine. 

After a second of reluctance, he sighed, unclenching his fists. "Hurts to know that you've had to avoid me. Hurts to know that while you did try to talk to me at first, I avoided you. I'm- I'm sorry." 

Keith doesn't apologise. It's not in his mainframe. He doesn't like doing it, and doesn't care much for apologies coming from others. But here he was, saying it right in front of me. Saying sorry. For what, though? He had nothing to be sorry for. He hadn't lied to the person he loved. He had only been the victim of my bad decisions. 

I suppressed every sign of surprise that might've shown on my face. I was expecting him to carry on, but he shut down, stepping away from his stage. He was giving me time to speak. Time to explain. 

But I didn't know how to start. I tried to remember a scenario I'd practiced over and over inside my head, but the words slipped through my hands like sand.

The only option was to tell him the truth. The unfiltered, unplanned truth.

"Nothing I said in your lion wasn't true. I meant every word." My breaths were shaky and quick, anxiousness taking a hold on my body, but I persisted. "I idolised you. In the Garrison, I mean. You were like, one of the Untouchables. And, I- hm, no, Hunk knew even before I did that I had the biggest crush on you. But-"

"I was an asshole, yeah I know. Don't need to keep reminding me." Keith pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"I meant, I've never lost those feelings. They've always been there, even if it meant being enemies, or whatever. It seemed to be the easiest option than giving in. And I didn't even know if you liked guys like that, so pushing away my feelings was the safest option I guess." The shaking in my voice was unbearable, but nothing I did stopped the anxious wavering. 

Keith was still. I couldn't even tell if he was still breathing. But now I'd started, I couldn't stop.

"When I got knocked out, I could still hear Coran explaining what Yeounal was. But I could remember everything about me, and where I was. I wasn't forgetting anything. And I was trying to tell you guys that I was okay, but I couldn't move my body at all. As soon as I woke up I was going to say that I was fine. Except-" 

The memories seeped into my brain, the strange feeling enveloping my heart when Keith said he'd stay with me, the guilt which poisoned my brain better than the Yeounal did when I told myself that I would lie to him.   
"Except I wanted to stay with you for a week. Just you. With no one to bother us. Because in truth, I wanted to get to know you, and not the annoying, rival, sarcastic you, but the you I saw all this week."

Keith shifted his eyes to the ground, trying to hide the blush burning his cheeks, but failing miserably. "And what me was that?"   
His voice was almost a whisper, as though it were hanging on its last thread. 

And that's where I stumbled. Not because I didn't have any words to explain it, but because there were too many. Not one truly summed up how much I thought of him, what he became to me. But now... I'd lost that privilege. Those rare times that I would see a glimpse behind that facade he put up. 

I wanted to start scratching again. I hated it here, hated the uncomfortable situation I was in, hated the way that Keith slowly looked up for me, waiting for an answer, but when one didn't come, his face turned cold. "'Kay. It's fine, I get it. I've apologized, I'm done here."

"Wait." 

Keith visibly refrained from rolling his eyes, crossing his arms together instead. I hadn't even noticed that I'd spoken, but I couldn't back out now. 

This was my one and only chance. I had to get this right.

"You're a dick."

Silence.

"For fuck's sake, are you seriously asking for a kick in the-"

"And so am I. God, I already know that."

"And why do you feel the need to repeat something I already know...?" Keith smirked, raising a questioning eyebrow, but I decided to ignore it. Usually, it would piss me off to no end, but I was just grateful to see some emotion on his face other than pure hatred towards me. 

"I'm sorry. I don't know what it'll take for me to prove that to you, but I am. And I never did any of this to hurt you, or upset you, because you're... you're-" I took a slight step towards him, then stopped myself.

In books, and fanfictions, main character A would walk up to main character B in a scene full of sexual tension and extremely tense words, then kiss B very passionately and lovingly, and then everything would be okay.

(Unfortunately, this is neither of those things, and because I knew that if I did this to Keith, he would shove me away, I stayed my respectable distance from him. Not risking that today. Not today Satan, not today.)

The expression on Keith's face was unreadable, perplexed, yet somehow amused and worried at the same - I could see his eyes track my feet as I stopped moving, and he flinched, almost disappointed. 

"What's- what's wrong?" I was afraid I'd done something wrong. My shaking fear was gone now, which had been replaced by confidence driven by underlying terror, and now with a pitiful drop in my stomach. The feeling of when you speed down the ultimate dip of the rollercoaster, your heart rising in your chest, the nauseous wave which washes over you but is over in an instant. I stilled, grabbing onto the hem of my sweater and fiddling with the loose strands dangling from the edge.

"I don't know... I guess it's sad that I finally get an apology from someone who's ignored me for a week, yet all it entailed was an insult towards me and a half finished sentence. What did you expect me to do, finish it off for you?" 

For a hot second, I considered leaving the room, because nothing I was saying was getting through to him. 

But he was right. He deserved more. 

"I've heard it all before. I know you didn't mean to make me feel like..." Keith sighed, mumbling. He stepped forward, letting go of his crossed arms as if opening his previously closed walls. "But here I am, standing in front of you, about to tell you just how shitty I felt after all this. I was... I didn't even know how I felt. I wanted to be mad, but I couldn't be, yet when I felt sorry for you, I was mad at myself for feeling sympathy."

He moved forward again, eyes crinkled and a dim, deep purple, a tumble of jumbled and incoherent words spilling out of his mouth. "And when I first saw you in here, I was extremely ready to fight, but then I saw you looking like... like this... and I didn't have the heart."

"You don't have to feel sorry for me, I did this to myself. I know that." I clenched my teeth, hating how the more he spoke, the more vulnerable he looked, and the more I wanted to just rid of all the monologues and kiss him already. 

"I don't feel sorry for you. I just- I think we've tortured ourselves over this enough. We need a break. I need a break. Because getting my heart broken is a rougher ideal than I thought it would be, plus the fact that as I was finding out I liked guys, you were the first person I told, even when I wasn't completely sure, and-"

Step.

"I've never cared much about relationships or anything, and then you kissed me, and it was like... ugh... how do I put this into words..." he muttered, gripping his arms over his stomach. 

Step.

"Like a gate had opened, and I could _feel_ again, and then you told me it wasn't real and then I thought that what we had wasn't real... and that's a lot to go through, you know? And I couldn't stop thinking about you, even when I wanted to forget about you, and I didn't know how that made me feel-"

Step. 

"I just- no one was there to make us laugh, or do the little things that we all thought were stupid, but actually brought us together. And I missed it, okay?"

Step.

"I missed _you_."

Keith.

He had every right to punch me, or cry, or scream. Because if I were him, I would do exactly that. 

But instead of leaving me, he came closer. 

Literally.

Nearly resting his head on my shoulders, chests touching, and I could feel the heat of his embarrassment emanate from him as he calmed down. 

He looked up at me, an unfamiliar expression on his face. Hesitation. But his eyes weren't dark anymore, or bleak, or quiet. 

Bright. Simple. Keith. 

And as I cautiously lifted a finger and placed it under his head, lifting it up, one thought rushed though my head.

I missed him. 


	20. We Are More Than Just Rivals

**Keith's POV**

Everything around me seemed to fade away. Every sound, every movement, every distraction that could draw my eyes away from him evaporated into nothing. But all of my senses heightened when it came to him: his finger under my chin sending fitful sparks of desire through every nerve in my body, my chest pummeling itself against my chest as I became painfully aware of how close together we were. So close that I could see each of his dark, accentuated lashes, his gentle sapphire eyes which helf a hidden smile and every light freckle which dusted the bridge of his nose. 

He leaned in, gradually closing his eyes, and I froze. Paralyzed. I wanted to move forward and connect out lips, to feel that electricity when we touched, but what would happen if I did? Would everything be magically okay again? Would it be awkward between us? Well, if it was, it would only mean that nothing had changed. We'd kissed before, but that didnt work out well the last time. And why was he kissing me? I mean, we hadn't really talked about it, apart from me rambling, and I guess it would be romantic if we did, but wasn't he thinking about the consequences? About how things might change? 

However, all of those doubts and fears vanished as his lips slowly moulded with mine, twisting his head to the side so it would fit comfortably. 

I was expecting that he would kiss me, yet a surge of panic still rushed through my body and I stiffened at his touch. Most likely embarrased by my reaction, he recoiled, blushing faintly and scratching the back of his neck. 

"I- um... sorry, I didn't- I mean I did, but I- I didn't think you'd... y'know-" 

I shook my head, breathing shakily. "No, no don't worry. Its...uh..." 

We didn't look at eachother, but at the floor, or the ceiling, and no words were spoken either. We just stood in the cutting silence, feeling the awkwardness rise in the room until my eyes flicked to Lance's unintentionally, and he looked my way at that exact moment. 

And I couldn't look away.

Because the hunger that had been sitting idly in my chest was now emerging again. Suddenly I didn't feel shocked anymore. I didn't want to run away.  
I just wanted him. 

I bit the inside of my cheek, bracing myself, and then opened my mouth. No going back now.

"Maybe I didn't make it clear, but I'm-"

"I don't know about you but I'm-"

We both spoke at the same time, finishing on the same, whispered phrase.

"Fine with this happening."

Lance walked up to me, his hand visibly clutched into a fist, like he was trying to gain enough courage into getting close to me again. 

"You- you sure?" 

I tried to answer. To say yes. Because in reality, I was. Sure that I'd had enough of the nerves and the tension, and the only way to get rid of them was for us to get over ourselves and our pride. And if I didn't say anything, Lance would get nervous and second guess himself, try to hide in himself and tear his skin apart. 

So I showed him the only way I could. 

By actions rather than words. 

He was only a step away from me, but I pulled him towards me, rested a hand on his gradually warming face, and without a seconds hesitation, pushed my mouth against his.  
And for the first time in seven days, I felt him relax into my hand, moving his lips in sync with mine. The cinammon scent of his jacket made me feel light, disoriented, but it only made me want to push harder up against him, bury myself in it with him and fall asleep with the smell enveloping me. 

His fingers ran through my hair, his arm clutched low around my waist, and he exhaled, leaning further into the kiss, and my hand clutched onto the edge of his jacket desperately. Lance tilted his head, and for a second our noses bumped eachothers, and a giggle rose in my throat. He drifted back and smiled for a second, before gravitating towards me again like a magnet. A steady push and pull between us, natural, yet every movement ignited a new flood of excitement through my veins. And I noticed every emotion from just one touch, or breath. The annoyance, the aching, pain, anger, love. Each one crashing through like a river, held behind a barricade for far too long. 

But all of a sudden, he slowed, becoming more deliberate with his mouth, less desperate, and somehow more... shy. Now, I could feel just how rough and chapped they were, yet how ridiculously addicted I was to the feeling of them brushing gently on mine. I didn't want to leave the moment. Wishing that time could freeze and we could stay connected, hidden in the kitchen where no one would find us. But Lance started to break away from me, the sweet taste of his lips still lingering on my tongue. I could hardly open my eyes as his hands parted my body completely, but as his thumb rubbed my cheek, I glanced up to see him smiling down on me. 

"Does that answer your question?" I whispered, trying to slow my breathing while he brushed back his hair with his fingernails.

"That was such a cliche answer."

I raised my eyebrows.

"But yes. Yeah, it did... and before you say anything else I just wanted to say that-"

I sighed, rolling my eyes. No matter how many times I told him, he still wouldn't believe me. "I know you're going to apologise again, but I already said it's fine. Besides... whatever happened last week... kinda brought us together." 

He smiled, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. A rift grew in our conversation again as I struggled to look for the right words to say to him, but I noticed the time, and realised just how early it was. 

"Uh, maybe we should go to bed and get some sleep. It's quite early anyway."

Lance nodded, turning himself towards the exit and beckoning me to follow him. Behind the door, a scuttling noise appeared, along with a squeak against the marble floor, but when we walked out of the kitchen, nothing revealed itself to us. Lance shrugged. "I haven't slept in days, so maybe getting some rest sounds nice."

"Yeah."

I was starting to see a pattern whenever we spoke. 

The silence. 

The only sound that filled the empty hallways was our footsteps as we walked side by side, our fingers lingering only inches apart from touching each other. I was itching to hold his hand, to feel the warmth again, but I didn't know where we stood, relationship wise. But it wasn't like I was going to _ask_ him. Not after I was still trying to recover from him kissing me after not seeing him for a week. 

I couldn't ask him either way, because we reached his door. A long finger rested on the open button, but he didn't press it, instead a faint blush showing up on his nose. "Um... is it alright if we can go to your room...?"

I felt a burning heat rush to my head.

"Together?"

"Well... my room is a bit of a mess. And I'd rather not go back in. Not right now. Not with you either... But it's up to you of course."

I was about to mention just how presumptuous the idea that we were going to stay in the same room was, but I knew at the back of mind that I wouldn't have it any other way. And his face told me everything I needed to know. He was embarrassed to say the least, and there was something in there that he didn't want to remember. The scars along his arms seemed to give me that information. 

"Yeah, of course." On the way there, I could see him trying to hide within himself again, hiding from the awkwardness he thought he'd created, and I didn't like it. Part of me wanted to kiss him again, to tell him everything would be completely fine. But I settled with taking his hand and clasping it in mine, tightly holding onto it so neither of us had the choice of letting go. He gave me a grateful smile, one that couldn't be put into words. I simply returned the gesture.

My door slid open easily, the lamp still on from when I left for downstairs not long ago. Weirdly, it only reminded me that this wouldn't be the first time Lance slept in the same bed as me, but the first time he would without the pretence of his memory loss. Not that I needed to tell him, as it looked as though he already knew that. The nervous shadow overtook him again, and I turned to see his fingernails lightly rubbing against the exposed part of his arm, but once he noticed that I was watching him, he buried his hands inside his pockets. 

"Sorry... force of habit..."

I rested my free hand on his, and squeezed it. "Don't worry, just... don't hurt yourself. Please." 

His shoulders dropped visibly, and the anxiety looming over him subsided.

"Anyway, I have some pyjamas in my drawer, so you can just take the top and bottoms on the top pile." I pointed to the dressing table at the side of my room, and Lance opened it, pulling out a red, oversized t-shirt. 

"Is everything you own red or something?" He huffed, pulling it over his head and pulling at the edges, somewhat admiring it in the mirror. 

"Coran got it for me from somewhere in the castle. It's not like we had time to pack when we randomly flew off in your lion to Arus." 

He scoffed and shook his head, slipping into the bed as if he'd done it a hundred times. I did the same, switching off the light and plunging the room into an eery darkness. He turned on his back, his arms tucked over the bed sheet. He did that when he was thinking; I didn't know how or when I learnt that. I just... knew. 

"What's wrong?" I whispered, quiet enough so he could hear me.

Lance inhaled deeply, nibbling slowly on his nails. "Do you want this?"

"Want what?"

" _Us_."

I paused. I knew what he meant, but what did us _actually_ mean? It'd be hard to actually... be together, because we had Voltron, and not to mention we were in space, with nowhere to actually go on _dates_.   
I'd never dated a guy before either. Would that matter? Us together? Dating? I hated labels, despised the way they put me in a certain box and I couldn't move out of it. Maybe that was why calling myself 'gay' didn't sit completely right with me, because right now, I knew I wanted Lance, and that was all I needed to think about, even if he _was_ annoying, and snarky, and unnecessarily outgoing. 

No, it wasn't a question of whether I wanted to be with him. As much as I hated to admit it, I was... scared. I hadn't prepared for anything like this to happen, and I wasn't experienced at all on what to do in a relationship like this. I wouldn't want things to go wrong, or for me to mess up somehow, because I'd never want a repeat of this week. 

His head turned towards mine expectantly, waiting for an answer. And for a second I imagined what it would be like if I didn't say yes. That meant no more hugs, or kisses. No more holding hands and small secret smiles from across the room. No more teasing, or talks between us that would last hours and hours. No more... Lance.

"Yes. I do want this. A lot."

His face brightened up, the corners of his mouth turning upwards. And in that moment, I was content with the decision I'd made. No, more than that. I knew that no matter what happened, no matter how scared or nervous I was, that Lance would be with me. And I couldn't seem to stay away from him either. After a week of not seeing him, I was already pining for him, so getting to lie next to him again felt safe. 

I shuffled closer to him, and his arm instinctively wrapped itself around my shoulders. Lance felt warm, like usual, as I leaned over and pecked a light kiss on his lips, noticing that this time I didn't feel any awkwardness between us. 

"Can I ask you a question?" He said, nuzzling his chin in my hair. 

"Sure."

"Would it be alright if I called you my boyfriend?" 

An unsolicited shiver bolted down my spine, and somehow, I knew Lance was smirking at it, even though I couldn't see his face.

Boyfriend. 

_Boyfriend_. 

I'd said that putting a label on our relationship wasn't what I wanted. That it made me feel trapped.

But I liked the way the word boyfriend rolled on Lance's tongue, a slight overprotective edge, as if to say that I was _his_. 

And he was _mine_. 

Without another thought on it, I nodded, and I could feel his grin again, like a euphoric aura emanating off of his body. 

A comfortable silence stretched on for a few minutes, and for a second I thought that Lance had already fallen asleep. But his grip on me was still as tight as ever, and he took his chin off of my head ever so slightly. 

He shuffled down to look me straight in the eye, but this wasn't serious. Not like before. Because there was a glint in his eye that I hadn't seen for weeks, and usually it would annoy me, but at least now I knew he was back to normal. That he'd finally bounced back. "What about calling you Baby?"

I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Even if I said no I have a feeling you would still call me that."

"What about Babe?" He smirked.

"Huh? Lance, I-" 

"Hunnybun?"

"What are you-"

" _Daddy_?"

"You what?" I shot up, grabbing my pillow and shoving it directly in Lance's face. He squealed, hitting his back at me, and we both fell, giggling and red faced over the duvet. 

Lance was the first to get up, tugging my arm. "Okay, okay, goodnight. Now hurry up and get under the covers, it's cold." 

We crawled underneath the blanket, and I sighed, moving back into Lance's arms."Goodnight then."

"Goodnight." He snickered. " _Daddy_."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

*

I woke up with my head buried deep in the crook of Lance's neck, my arm rested on his chest, and our legs tangled around eachothers. It was slightly uncomfortable, but I didn't want to move because I could still feel the heavy breathing of Lance's chest, meaning he was still asleep. I looked up, and smiled a little. I thought lying with him would be weird, and different to what it was before, but in all actuality, it felt right. I didn't have to worry about anything. 

And a bonus was that he didn't even dribble, which meant he slept well. 

I thought about everything that happened in the past couple of weeks, and wondered if the hate and pain was still there. But I couldn't feel any of that anymore. It had melted away, and everything I'd been angry at disappeared. Because in the end, this is where I ended up. This is where we ended up. And if it was meant for the both of us to go through all that hurt and come out the other end together, then it was worth it. 

I rolled over as carefully as I could to check the time on my alarm clock, and could faintly see the letter **10:12** , plastered brightly in bold. Twelve past ten... in the morning? I usually never woke up this late. I had a routine to follow, which started at six am exactly. Since Lance, I haven't followed that routine once. 

"What's- What's the time...?" I heard a slow grumble from the other side of the bed and spun around to see Lance sitting up groggily against the headboard.

"Its too late. We need to get up."

He glared at me from the corner of his eye, pouting like a little child. "Can't we stay in bed for just- just a little longer? There's no pressure to wake up now..."

I scoffed. "Yeah, no pressure. Apart from the fact that we're humanity's only hope. Other than that, no pressure."

About ten minutes later, we were both completely dressed and making our way downstairs for breakfast. Lance was grumbly, and his hair was still a ruffled mess, but I knew he wasn't mad because he held my hand all the way to the Dining Hall. 

We opened the door, and saw the rest of the Paladins sitting at the table, already digging into Hunk's famous space pancakes. 

Once we stepped in however, the room went completely silent. 

Pidge was the first to speak, crossing her arms exaggeratedly. "So... Hi."

"Uh, hey..." I hesitated, pulling open two chairs for both Lance and I, but when I realized that he wasn't sitting down, I frowned. "Lance?"

His expression mirrored the same as last night in the kitchen, when he saw me for the first time again. Shrinking into himself, legs and arms crossed, head down. But after he heard me say his name, he looked up. The fear was creeping back into his eyes again. 

Relax. Breathe, I wanted to tell him. Because I knew what he was about to do.

His shoulders opened up, as well as his arms, and stood taller, putting on a face of determination. I smiled at him.

"Guys, I have to say something." He exhaled. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for these past couple of weeks. I've made all the wrong decisions, lied to you, and hurt you because of my actions. I really didn't mean to and it definitely wasn't my intentions for this to happen when I decided to lie to you about the Yeounal. I did try to tell you guys that I was okay, but at the time I couldn't move my body at all, so I just let it happen, and then one thing led to another... Anyway, the point of this was to apologise, and I promise from the bottom of my heart that it won't happen again."

Lance breathed in sharply, closing his eyes. I could tell it had been on his shoulders for a while, and now he had finally explained himself, he was hoping everyone would take it well. But he had nothing to worry about. Because even though we'd all been thrown together in such an unusual situation, we were all a family, and no one could stay mad at Lance for that long (me, on the other hand, had had a rivalry with him since the Garrison. I was champion at having an ongoing feud with him). 

"Oh Lance, my boy, really, its okay. I thought something was wrong at the beginning, but I just didn't say anything. Of course, we forgive you." Coran grinned, clapping Lance on the back extremely hard. Lance doubled over.

Allura tutted, shaking her head. "But you must never, ever do that to us again. You frightened us!" 

"Now come sit down and eat something, you look starved." Shiro gave Lance a look I couldn't decipher, but he seemed to understand, nodding at him with a smile on his lips. He sat down next to me, almost instantly biting into the pancakes ferociously. 

I tapped his shoulder, turning his attention away from the food. "Calm down, the food isn't going to run away."

He went back to tearing into the breakfast the same way.

Suddenly, Hunk jumped. "Oh, guys!"

Our heads snapped to look at him, worried.

"Lance doesn't know about the Nilovians!" 

The person in question scrunched his face, putting down the pancake hanging out of his mouth. "The who-vians?" 

I should've told him last night, but I'd completely forgotten. In all honesty, I believed he'd forgotten that he still didn't know what happened to him either. 

For the next few minutes, everyone explained the Yeounal Poisoning, and the Nilovians, and Diosali (I still didn't like her one bit), and the stone that Pidge stole, and of course, how we gave it back in the end. All the while, Lance listening, with his gaze floating off into nothing. 

When we had finished, he still didn't speak, instead looking at his fingernails and wringing his hands together. 

"Lance... are you okay?" I whispered quietly to him. And that was when he perked up again, as if only seeing the people staring at him across the table. 

"Right... yeah, I'm fine. I just, don't know what to say. The Nilovians... are they still here?" 

We all shook our heads. 

"Oh. Well, I would've liked to talk to them. You know, surprisingly, I'm quite annoyed by the fact that they poisoned me without my consent." 

Pidge snickered, but I was not about to let her get away with this one. "Yeah, well you can blame this all on Pidge. She's the whole reason this happened in the first place."

Her jaw dropped wide open, and she raised her eyebrows in mock anger. "Hey, HEY, _HEY_! Its not my fault! I didn't know the stone held that much value. Besides, the Nilovians poisoned Lance, not me!" 

"Sometimes I believe you picked that stone on purpose and planned this whole event to just to spite us," I continued, mimicking the flailing of her arms and the indignation in her voice. I knew I was treading on very thin ice, but I didn't actually mean it. 

I should've been more careful. 

Pidge looked down, and her glasses glinted dangerously, a sharp look gleaming over her eyes. I shifted back on my chair. "Well, you two were a bit late today coming for breakfast. Where were you two last night, hm?" Her eyes flicked back and forth from mine and Lance's in a heartbeat. 

"We were asleep. Why?" He said, glancing nervously at me. The words " _Pidge is going to destroy us_ ", were written all over his expression. I gulped. Rule #1; never underestimate Pidge.

"Oh its nothing, really. Just something I happened to come across last night."

The whole table turned to look at us, and I could feel the heat rising steadily in my cheeks. I silently pleaded Pidge to shut up, but I was too late. She was in her element now. 

"W-What are you talking about?" I cleared my throat, trying to sit up straight, but even I whimpered slightly under her gaze.

She pulled out her phone, scrolling through it happily. "Its all on here! Of course... if I ever need anything..." 

I slammed my hands on the table, and turned straight to the only person who could control her, pointing at her phone.  
"Shiro that's blackmail I thought you banned her from blackmailing people Shiro she isn't allowed to do that Shiro-"

"Yes, yes, I'm aware, so don't do that Pidge, but I have to say, she is onto something. Keith, Lance, are you two okay now? You don't have to hide anything from us. We're here for you."

We both nodded, flushing red, unable to look eachother in the eyes. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Pidge sneakily take a photo.

"Besides, we all know now; Pidge showed us her security c-" Hunk exclaimed, before being shut up by Pidge racing to his chair and clasping her hands over his mouth. I raised an eyebrow. Security cameras? What did they see? Oh god... what did they see...

Before I could ask, Lance's hand felt its way to my thigh, and he looked at me, smiling reassuringly. I placed my hand over his, squeezing it gently as a reply.

"Oh, stop the googly eyes. Not in front of my pancakes." 

I huffed as everyone but Lance and I laughed, and Pidge gave me a final, winning look. _Next time,_ I mimed to her when no one else was looking. _Next time._

Shiro took a napkin and wiped his mouth with it, putting his cutlery down delicately on either side of his plate. "You know, you two, I'm going to have to give you _The Talk_ sooner or later, so-" 

Pidge snorted, and Hunk choked on his water, leaving both Lance and I shivering in a bubble of embarrassment and blushing discomfort. 

I gritted my teeth, hot and extremely mortified by Shiro even mentioning it, pushing my empty plate far away from me. "No no no no no no no-"

Lance followed suit, his voice cracking with every syllable. "-no way Jose will you-"

"-ever be giving us any talk of any-"

"-kind, oh hell no."

"Lance, we're going, c'mon."

"Yeah, thanks for the good food Hunk-"

"-but we'll be taking our leave now." I grabbed Lance's arm and we stormed halfway out of the dining room, fully aware of the uprise in laughter that the situation had created. Both Lance and I flushed red again, awkward and bothered. I was just about to open the large door, when Shiro clapped his hands together, and the quiet died down.

"But seriously, guys, I'm really happy for you. That you were able to overcome your differences-"

"Hallelujah!" Pidge muttered, adding her own running commentary.

"-and come together in the end. If you need anything, you knew we're here to help."  
Allura, Coran, Hunk, Pidge and Shiro smiled. I found Lance's hand, gripped it, and smiled back. 

"Thanks, guys." 

____________________________________

**Lance's POV:**

After the embarrasment of breakfast, Keith and I found ourselves wandering around the castle aimlessly, until we reached the Lions. I was eager to see Blue, especially after she ignored me when I tried to fly her. I mean, I understand why she locked me out, but I missed her. I missed flying my own Lion, the thrill of when we spun around or flew faster than we were meant to. So when I finally saw her again, I reluctantly left Keith's hand, running up to her as fast as I could. 

"Hey girl..." I touched one of her claws, but she didn't move, or growl like she usually did. "Blue, I need to come out and tell you the truth. I'm sorry that I neglected you last week. I mean, you were ignoring me and I just didn't know what to do. I know I was lying to my friends, and I've apologised and I promised I'd never do it again. I hope you can forgive me, because I really missed you." After a few seconds, I sighed, stepping away from her. 

But then she growled, loud and proud, throwing her head up to the ceiling. And the last chain that had wrapped itself around my heart broke free, and I truly felt like I would burst. "YEAH BABY, I'M BACK! WHOOO! Come on, Keith! Lets go for a ride!" 

Keith rolled his eyes at my excitement, but he followed me up the stairs and into the cockpit, sitting on the handlebar of my seat while I took the controls into my hands. It felt so natural, flying Blue again. I hadn't for ages, and now I knew to never take this feeling for granted. 

I took Blue racing for a bit against boulders, maneuvering and blasting them to bits while Keith, surprisingly, urged at me to go faster, saying this was "nothing compared to Red's speed" (I made a mental note to ask him for a race if he was so sure about that). 

But eventually, we entered an area exploding with purples, and pinks, and blues, with blinding stars dotted sporadically in the streaks of colours all across the black sky. I slowed Blue down, and shuffled Keith onto my lap, where he layed his head against my chest, looking outside. 

Last night in the kitchen was not what I had expected. I certainly hadn't expected to see Keith there at such a strange time, neither was I expecting to go to bed with Keith. But I hadn't felt so happy, just pure and utter joy in forever. With Keith with me, I felt like we could take on the world, with nothing in our way. Whenever he held my hand, or leaned against me, or kissed me, the only thing I could focus on was him. Without him, I was scared to imagine what life would be like. 

"How long have you known?" I murmured, the question only popping into my head seconds earlier. 

"Known what?"

"That you liked me."

Keith looked up at me, his eyes bright, flickering with hints of purple, just like the sky outside. I could see his mind whirring, his brain going back to the first time we met. "I... don't really know. I just remember little things, like times when I'd see you and I'd feel all funny inside and I didnt know why, or when we first rode in the blue lion, or how close we get sometimes when we sparred in the training deck, and how happy I'd feel when we were actually talking for once, and not fighting. So I think I've liked you for a while, I just, didn't know at the time." 

"Oh God, do you remember how we used to fight?" I cringed, remembering the stupid arguments we used to have.

"Like an old married couple."

We both giggled, then our laughs slowly faded away, leaving us in a pleasant silence. 

"I didn't think it would actually come to this. I mean, the point where I can say, Keith Kogane is my _boyfriend_." 

Keith squeezed my hand, then shoved his elbow into my stomach. I yelped, and he laughed, brushing his hair out of his face. "Well believe it, bitch. Don't make me change my mind."

I gasped dramatically, placing a hand over my forehead as if I was about to faint. "You _wouldn't_!" 

He stared at me, right in the eye, his face completely deadpan. I raised a sceptical eyebrow, accepting his staring challenge, until a trace of a smile broke through his facade. "Ugh, no, I wouldn't." 

I stood up, kissing him shortly, then walked over to the windshield. I breathed out onto it, and drew a heart with the letters L + K written inside. I grinned at it, admiring the work of art, then sat back down proudly as Keith made a face. 

"What are we, in middle school?" 

"Hey, I happen to think it's cute!" 

"Oh my god, we're literally polar opposites," he groaned, but he buried his head in the crook of my neck as he usually did, snuggling against me, and I pulled him closer, closing my eyes.

"I know, but that's what makes us so special, baby." 

"Don't call me that." He said quietly, kissing my neck tenderly. I laughed softly at his remark, unable to take him seriously when he was like this. So vulnerable. So open. 

And this was what I loved. This, in the moment. I loved what we _were_ , what we _meant_ to eachother. I didn't want to let go, and by the way Keith was slowly tightening his grasp on me, neither did he. He slowly lifted his head to look at mine, and I realized his eyes were glassy, like tears were threatening to come out, but he wouldn't let them. 

"You know, every day there's a chance we might lose eachother."

I froze. "What do you mean?"

"To Zarkon. We could lose to Zarkon."

He bit his lip, forcing himself not to say anything else. But he didn't need to. I knew what he meant. On the surface, I knew he was talking about the War against the Gulra, but also... the possibility where we never see eachother again, but more... permanent.   
I knew I was worrying about the same thing. And seeing Keith of all people expose his worries so openly to me... I didn't like it. I didn't want him to be upset, because it hurt me. And I knew that we could pull through this, because we're a team. Voltron is a team. Keith and I are a team. 

I leaned forward, and kissed him lightly on the nose, then on his lips, so soft that I could hardly feel it. I rested my forehead on his, and held his hand. "We won't, okay? I promise to always be with you, right? Even when I'm being annoying. Because you're too important to me. So don't worry, okay?" 

Keith nodded, exhaling ever so slightly.

"It'll be okay."

We looked back to at the stars again, Keith still clinging onto me. And with him, knowing that he didn't intend on letting go, that he really was mine, made me believe my own words.

That everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is final! sadly, I have to announce that Memories is finished :( you have no idea how much your support meant to me throughout the series ♡ tbh I never thought I'd even finish it but I stuck by it, and this chapter took me like 2 weeks to finish cuz I was procrastinating :( so sorry for a last late update. anyway, I really hope you enjoyed my first fic! it definitely wont be my last, so look out for more content, but I just wanted to say another huge last thank you. remember to vote and share! love u guys💜

**Author's Note:**

> I have this on Wattpad too, so go check it out there as well 🤗


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